


A Lesson in seduction

by AliceInMarveland



Series: The Lesson Serie [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Aftercare, Anal Beads, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Bottom Steve Rogers, Boys Kissing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky feels guilty, But so is Bucky, Captain America: The First Avenger, Coming Untouched, Consensual Sex, Dirty Talk, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub, Feminization, Forced Orgasm, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kissing, Kissing Lessons, Light Masochism, Light Sadism, Like a tiny bitty tad of plot, Love Confessions, M/M, More plot than I first thought, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Nipple Clamps, Nipple Play, Nipple Torture, Not Canon Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pet Names, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn With Plot, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Praise Kink, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sassy Steve Rogers, Self Confidence Issues, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve is a tease, Sub Steve Rogers, Top Bucky Barnes, Vibrators, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, very light feminisation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:58:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11775009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceInMarveland/pseuds/AliceInMarveland
Summary: “ And don't start with your She-Was-Stupid shit, Buck. I don't know how to kiss. I don't even know if I want to try, if it means ending with the girl laughing at me, or being disgusted. I don't need another reason to self-depreciate.”“ You want me to show you?”First Steve was startled, then frowned “ Don't make fun of me, Barnes-”“I'm serious. You want me to show you?”Girls refuse to give Steve a chance because they think_and are not in the wrong_ that he doesn't know how to kiss. Being a good best friend, Bucky decides to give Steve a lesson...NOW BETA-ED !





	1. Basic Knowledge

**Author's Note:**

> First multi chaptered fic... I'll do my best to regularly updtate.  
> I am truely, truely sorry about errors in this. I re-read it many times, but English is not my native language and I don't have a beta. I want your reading to be nice, but it looks like I still have work to do... So if you see a mistake that burn your eyes, please tell me in comment so I can change it and hopefully make it better. I'm sorry.
> 
> Edit: Thanks to the amazing kinkajou (kjanddean) the whole story is now beta ! *throw confettis and pictures of puppies in celebration)

**September, 1941**

In Bucky's defence, he had genuinely thought this girl would be different.

 

“ Steve, c'mon-”

 

“Not now, Buck.”

 

Bucky sighed. They were back at their little shoebox of a flat, have been for ten minutes, but he could feel Steve was still upset and would stay that way for a long time.

 

It all started well enough. Bucky knew how Steven Grant Rogers worked, being best friends since elementary school. So when he talked about his new gal's best friend, he was prepared for the exasperated groan and the usual “I'll pass.” But Bucky was nothing if not patient. Evelyn, his current fling, kept on saying that this friend of hers, Mary, was sweet, intelligent and kind, although a bit shy. Perfect match for someone like the mysterious best friend Bucky kept rambling about. Plus, Mary drew propaganda posters, so she was patriotic and artistic as well, just like Steve. Bucky had even met the dame, together with Evelyn, to make sure she was as nice as Eve made her out to be. And she was. After weeks of Bucky arguing, reasoning, and finally, pleading with him - “Steve. Stevie,  _please_. For me” - the stubborn little punk agreed to go on a double date, along with Bucky and Evelyn, to Coney Island.

 

It was disastrous.

 

Steve had really made an effort. He put on a jacket that was just threadbare - they didn’t have much money, so he couldn't afford a brand new one - combed his hair and even agreed to wear a bit of Bucky's cologne. With Bucky's praises about Mary, Steve had allowed himself to hope -only to have his hope crushed and rubbed in his face when they joined the girls. None of the two boys missed Mary's deflated smile when she saw Steve. What was even worse, for a while things seemed to improve after that. Mary agreed to sit next to Steve for a few rides, she didn’t flinch when he had to sprint to the toilet after the big roller coaster Evelyn had insisted to try, Steve had a conversation and, albeit being bashful, Mary kept smiling politely. Bucky tried to keep an eye on the situation - causing Evelyn to occasionally whine “ Buckyyy, c'mon, pay attention to meee !”. It looked like a girl finally saw Steve for who he was and was ready to give him a chance.

 

Then it all went to Hell.

 

Steve and Bucky offered to get the ladies some snacks. They’d left them on a bench and split, Bucky going for the food and Steve for the drinks. Steve got back first, but the girls were chatting and didn’t see him right away.

 

“... being unfair, he's not that bad!” Evelyn teased with a smirk

 

Mary snorted “Yeah, right, easy for you to say Miss My-date-is jaw-dropping. You could have told me he was such a... shrimp.”

 

Evelyn laughed “ Aw, what is that thing you always say? Looks don't count?”

 

Mary shook  her head “ Please Eve, just... I mean, I'm not even sure he knows how to kiss! Or if he’s ever kissed a girl before! Talk about a-”

 

Bucky arrived right at this moment “ Sorry for the wait, ladies, there was a- Steve, you okay?”

 

Needless to say, after that, they didn’t drag things out. They ride back home was awkward as hell, and even after they'd left the girls at Evelyn’s, Steve still didn’t say a word. Bucky tried to nudge him, cheer him up, said Mary was foolish, but nothing managed to loosen him up.

Which leads us back to the present.

 

Bucky sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. Steve throws his jacket on one of the chairs, still visibly upset.

 

“Stevie, hey. Listen. Forget about it. She was stupid-”

 

“You mean, stupid like Margaret? Or Helen? Or Edith? Or Hazel? Or basically every other girl you’ve tried to set me up with?” Steve accuses “ We know it doesn't work. It never has and it never will. I'm not the type of guy girls want. I have accepted it. And you should, too, instead of pushing it. Fucking hell, Buck, it’s almost like you enjoy seeing me humiliated!”

 

Bucky hangs his head low, feeling guilty “Steve no, I just... I’ve never wanted to hurt you, I thought- I thought she was different. I thought she'd see you as you really are. The way I see you. A great, valuable man.”

 

Bucky doesn't get why girls are so single-minded. Like, alright, Steve is not the typical virile man. But does that mean he isn't handsome? He has beautiful eyes with a mesmerising cobalt colour and long eyelashes. He has pretty lips, very expressive, going from frowning to pouty to determined to fond. He has nice, warm hands with long, artistic fingers. And his voice is always deep and grave, soothing. So what if he’s more on the skinny side? Or if he doesn't have stubble? It’s part of his charm, Bucky thinks. Steve is just more boyish than manly. Of course, he doesn't say that to Steve, or the punk would jump at him with his fists raised, yelling in outrage. But why couldn't any gal see Steve for who he truly was? That has always exasperated Bucky.

 

Steve huffs, rakes his fingers through his blond hair, exhales, and slowly lets his arms down back to his side “ I know you just want to help, Buck. 'S just.. Hell, I don't even care that I don't have a pretty dame for myself. I'm not unhappy being single. But every time we go on one of these double-dates, I end up being unhappy with myself. Not because I can't seduce a gal. But because I'm just me, some lesser guy.”

 

Bucky crosses the gap between them and grabs Steve firmly by the shoulders “ You can't say shit like that Steve, you hear me ?! I won't allow it. You, some lesser guy?! Fuck, you're the best damn person I've ever known. Sure you're a little spitfire, far too stubborn for your own good, but you always do what you think is right. You care for people, even for the ones you don’t know. And you keep fighting even when it's a lost cause.” He looks straight into cerulean eyes and says “You know what you are, Steven Grant Rogers? The incarnation of hope. You don't give up. You never give up. Even when you make me worried sick, it's... it's what you are to me. Hope.”

 

But Steve shoves Bucky off “ Don't be a sap, Barnes” he spits, dejected.

 

Bucky shakes his head and insists “ I swear it's true. Fuck Steve, why don't you believe me?!”

 

“I don't believe you because I'm being a realist !” Steve snarls

 

Bucky barks in irritation “Fucking hell Rogers, you're a stubborn-”

 

“ You want proof ?! Is that what you want ?!” Steve yells “ Okay, where do you want me to start?! With my lack of a reliable job, resulting in you working your ass off for the rent ?!”

 

“ For Christ's sake Steve, it's not your fault !” Bucky screams back

 

“ I never said it was ! Things are what they are. But facts are stubborn things, and here are some facts for you: I'm not good enough to get a real job. I'm not good enough to help you pay the bills. I'm not good enough to join army. I wasn't good enough to help my mom heal.” Steve said, unfolding a finger with each sentence.

 

It beats Bucky. It truly wounds him, to hear his best friend being so negative and unfair to himself.

 

“Steve...” he starts, then more quietly “Steve, please. Don't do that. You know it's not true. You know you can't do anything about it. It's not you, it's-it's beyond your control.”

 

Steve seems to calm down a bit. He doesn't move when Bucky steps back into his personal space to pull him into a hug. When they part, they stay close and Steve apologises “Sorry. I know you don't like when I do that.”

 

“ You can't say you're not good enough if it's about something you can't control” Buck retorts

 

“ Sure” Steve scoffs bitterly “ But that's not the case for everything.”

 

“ Steve, you-”

 

“ I'm not good enough to kiss anyone. I have never kiss anyone.”

 

They remain silent at that. Of course, Bucky knows that. Steve would have told him, if he’d ever kissed anyone.

 

Steve carries on “ And don't start with your She-Was-Stupid shit, Buck. I don't know how to kiss. I don't even know if I want to try, if it means I end up with the girl laughing at me, or being disgusted. I don't need another reason to self-deprecate.”

 

“ You want me to show you?”

 

Steve startles back, then frowns “Don't make fun of me, Barnes-”

 

“I'm serious. You want me to show you?”

 

There is dead silence.

 

Steve licks his dry lips, dumbfounded. “I... that would- that would be queer, no?”

 

Bucky shakes his head “ Not necessarily. Of course, we can't openly brag about it, people wouldn't understand. It's... it's special, what we have between us. Like... like brothers. I'm with you ’til the end of the line.”

 

Steve's face softens “I know, pal.”

 

And yes, the bond between them is special. They are best friends. No. They’re the best of best friends, even. Maybe it's the reason why Steve doesn't really mind his lack of a girlfriend. He doesn't care as long as he has Bucky. And Bucky’s always been there, with him.

 

Said man carries on “It's just like when I’d helped you with maths. You remember our lessons together? It's the same: just some advice, and some help with the technique. Kind of a lesson in seduction.”

 

Steve nods, suddenly strangely apprehensive “ Yeah, okay. So, uh... What do- how do we do that?”

 

Bucky hesitates for a bit “ Okay, uh... First you'll kiss me, so I can see what you can do, and after, I'll kiss you to show you the ropes.”

 

Steve stares at his best friend, unamused “ Did you really have make it sound like a show-me-yours-I'll-show-you-mine kind of deal?”

 

Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes shut “ That’s exactly the kind of thing that can make things queer. Come on, Punk, before I start to think you're a wimp.”

 

Steve's brows furrow “I'll show you a wimp, Jerk!” and before he has time to overthink things, he grabs the other man by the collar, draws him closer and seals their mouths together.

 

It's not a perfect kiss, far from it. Steve is tense as fuck, closing his eyes so tightly he looks like he's in pain - or disgusted - and they almost bump their noses together. He keeps his lips obstinately closed, pressing it stubbornly against Bucky's, but without moving it at all. Bucky can almost feel his mouth beginning to go numb from the stagnant pressure.

 

They part, and with a look of determination, Steve asks “So?”

 

Bucky winces “ Well... 'm not gonna lie, I'm not dazzled.. but!” he adds quickly when he sees the blond frown “that's why we're doing it. So when you do it again, you'll be a pro. Alright, just-you do the girl, okay?”

 

Steve's brows shoot to his hairline, indignant “What the- I'm not a fucking dame, Barnes!”

 

“I know, I know!” says Bucky quickly “But I can't show you what to do if I'm not leading this. So, don't do the girl, just- follow my lead, okay?”

 

Steve pouts but nods. Bucky takes a calming breath. He doesn't know why, but he feels nervous. “ Alright, so... first things first, you gotta soothe them. Most of the time, ladies tend to be skittish, or just the opposite, very excited about kissing. Light body contact helps. Don't shove yourself against them or they'll be overwhelmed. Stick to, like, above the neck.”

 

Bucky gently brushes a strand of blond hair off of Steve's forehead, then lets his fingertips trail to his friend's temple, his cheek, his smooth jaw. Steve really doesn't have even the slightest stubble. Bucky is a bit astounded by the creamy, sleek skin he touches, and lingers there deliberately. He hasn't planned to. He can see Steve swallow. Bucky trails back at one cheek and grazes his friend's lips. Steve exhales, his mouth slightly slackened. “Then” Bucky continues, and God, when did his voice became so rough? “Then you have to let them know what you’re going to do, you know, be a gentleman. Let them process what's happening.” In a soft yet firm grip, he tilts Steve's chin and leans in slowly. Both men close their eyes and maybe shut their minds off, too. Steve feels Bucky's breath hitting his lipsgiving him goosebumps, and that gives him goosebumps. Bucky, on the other hand, feels himself grow more and more eager, without understanding why.

 

They are both trembling a bit in this suspended moment. Bucky's mouth brushes his friend's in the tiniest, briefest touch. Once, twice. He lets his bottom lip catch on Steve's panting one. Steve licks his own dry mouth, tasting the other's lips unintentionally. Suddenly Steve lets out a muffled moan and Bucky  _snaps._ He takes that tempting bottom lip between his own, sucking gently before releasing it. His other hand goes to Steve's waist, supporting him.

 

Steve feels the tip of a tongue tracing his lips, and his hands fly to Bucky's neck, sealing their mouths back together. He lets out a whimper when, without pulling away, Bucky murmurs “Your mouth… Open! God, Steve, open your mouth-”

 

There is a wet sound when he complies, which would have embarrassed Steve, had he been paying any attention. Bucky presses them even closer. Steve moans into the kiss when he feels a hand slip down his backside and grip his ass. More by instinct than retaliation, Steve runs his hands through brown hair, gripping and pulling on it a bit.

Steve tastes like the cotton-candy he has eaten earlier, Bucky thinks. He wants to devour Steve. His tongue slides into the blond's mouth, mapping his teeth, the velvety inside of his cheeks, chasing the other’s tongue, playing with it. “Bucky” Steve moans, and Bucky answers by gasping “Fuck, Stevie” before diving back to kiss him furiously. They have unleashed something, something deep inside them, that may have been there for as long as they knew each other. Bucky presses the lither body against his own, and feels something hard against him while his own raging erection pushes against a bony hip.

 

Steve is mad with desire- he wants to get off, here, now, with Bucky,  _against_ Bucky, oh God- “Buck, fuck I, I need- Buck please,  _please_  -”

 

Bucky kisses him hard and fumbles with Steve's pants while whimpering “ Steve, mine, too, please-” and yes, of course, Steve opens his friend's button, nearly tearing it off, and pushes the pants down along with Bucky's underwear material. Soon they both have their clothes tangled at their feet, and Steve nearly trips on them in his impatience. Bucky holds him up by the elbow “ Hey, careful, Punk, don't want you to- c'mere.” Bucky helps Steve to step out of the knotted fabric, takes him to one of the two crappy things they call a mattress – it’s nearby, the flat is small, the main room doubles as a bedroom out of necessity- and sets him down on it, before crawling back on top of Steve. They’re half sitting, half lying down, and start kissing again, like they would die if they stopped for too long.

 

Steve moves and their bare crotches rub together, tearing a gasp out of them. “ Bucky, I need-”

 

“Yeah Steve, yeah-”

 

Bucky grasps their cocks in his hand and starts to stroke them simultaneously. Steve howls and sinks his nails into his friend's shoulders. Of course he has masturbated plenty of times before, and it’s always felt good - that's the purpose of the activity, after all. But it has never, ever, felt  _this_  good. Maybe because it's someone else's hand on his flesh, maybe because Bucky's breath keeps tickling Steve's neck in the most erotic way,  _maybe because it's Bucky_ , Steve doesn't know, nor does he care. Lava is pumping through his veins, and tendrils of fire are licking down his lower abdomen. He wants to come- no, he  _needs_  to come.

 

Bucky keeps stroking them, not knowing what Steve likes but doing what usually drives himself wild, paying extra attention to any clues from his best friend indicating his pleasure - a moan, a shudder, a plea to do it again. He wants to come, but he wants Steve to come, too. Maybe even more than his own orgasm. They are both leaking copious amount of precome, making his movement over their joined lengths easy, slippery and wet -it drives him mad. Mad with lust, with desire, with hunger - hunger for more, hunger for  _Steve._  He sweeps his thumb over the blond's red tip, making him cry out and that's the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. Prettier than the high-pitched wails of any woman he’d ever fucked, prettier than any gal's moans, prettier than any cry of his name when he took a girl over the edge. He deliberately fondles his friend's balls, just to hear that sound again. Bucky buries his face in Steve's neck and smells his own cologne, and God, Steve smells like him. Bucky feels something possessive in his core growling in approval. His lips latch onto Steve's neck and he leaves a trail of sloppy kisses up to his friend’s jaw. Steve is smooth and sweet and smells like Bucky and that drives him  _crazy_ -

 

Steve fidgets and writhes, wanting more everywhere at the same time. He grips Bucky's head to kiss him again with tongue and teeth, folds one of his legs around his best friend's waist, seeking contact “Bucky, Buck, fuck I, I-”. Suddenly, with all his squirming, Bucky's hand accidentally shifts and presses lower, on a spot between Steve's balls and his clenched asshole.

 

Fireworks explode inside Steve, and with a cry that sounds like Bucky's name, he comes.

 

“Fuck fuck fuck Steve, Stevie-” Bucky can feel Steve tense and then go lax, feels the long jets of hot come on his own flesh while he is still drowning in Steve's smell mixed with his, and that's it. He comes with a groan, rubbing his cock against Steve's in their mixed mess. His muscles give in and he slumps, but rolls next to his best friend so he doesn’t crush him.

 

For a moment, there is just the sound of their panting breaths filling the little flat. They are both processing what the hell’s just happened. Then Steve sneezes, bringing Bucky's attention back to him. He throws his shirt at the blond and pulls at one of the worn-out blankets “There, clean it up before it dries. And get under that damn cover before you catch pneumonia.”

 

They are a bit dazed. It should feel awkward, but, strangely, it doesn’t. It feels almost... natural. Maybe the awkwardness will come later. For now, neither of them wants to think about it.

 

Steve is still shuddering a bit. “ You're still cold?” Bucky asks him.

 

Steve stays swaddled in the fabric like a giant burrito “ Yeah, I sweated, like, buckets.” he replies.

Bucky slides next to him, encasing the blond in his arms without a word. They do this all the time so they don’t freeze their asses off during the winter, and to prevent Steve from getting ill.

 

The place reeks of sex.

 

Steve at the same time wants and doesn't want to talk about what just happened. Sure, they could laugh it off, pass it off as a result of pent-up frustration. Because him and Bucky, they are close enough that it doesn't feel weird. They care for each other. Bucky said they were like brothers. But Steve is not convinced brothers jerk off together. Or that someone would like to keep getting off with their brother. Steve wants to do it all over again. But maybe it's like that with everyone? After all, a lot of people seek sex and physical contact, and if it always feels just half as good as what he’s just experienced, Steve understands them completely. Maybe it's not just Bucky. Maybe it will be like this with anyone else. On the other hand, he’s a bit dubious.

 

“You feeling okay, Punk?” Bucky mumbles into his hair

 

Steve tightens his scrawny arms around him “Yeah. Thank you for...”  _Everything. Being you_. “for the lesson.”

 

Bucky laughs “No problem, Stevie. Feeling a bit tired?” he teases when Steve yawns

 

“ Fuck off, Jerk. You're just as dead as I am right now.”

 

With his eyes closed, Steve feels Bucky's rumbling chuckle and grins. No need to jump to conclusions right now. They'll figure it out later.

 

They never get the chance to figure it out.

 

Four months later, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes is called to war.


	2. Implementation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ Very funny Rogers. Remember me, who was the one who needed help in maths when we were kids?”
> 
> “Yeah, um, about that...” 
> 
> The flickering light from the petroleum lamp didn't hid the blond's blush. 
> 
> “I...” Steve stopped to flick his tongue on his upper lips. Bucky's eyes stayed trapped to it one second too long. “I know it's been tough for you” Steve finally kept going “ And I know you don't want to talk about it, so I won't force you. Just, if it's still too much, and you don't want to do what I'm gonna ask, you don't have to.” 
> 
> “Hold on, Rogers. I don't get what you mean, a bit of precisions would be nice.”
> 
> Steve sighed and scratched behind his neck before looking at his best friend under his ridiculously long eyelashes. At least, these didn't change after the serum. Steve had always had eyes any gal would die for. “ Okay, I'm gonna be blunt but I... I want another lesson. L-like the one you gave me just before... going to the war."
> 
>  
> 
> Some times after rescuing Bucky from Zola's camp, a newly Captain America asks for another lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys !
> 
> So... I know it's been long. A lot more than I planned to. I has started to write the second chapter when a really bad case of panick attack stroke me, doubled just the next day by big arguments with my familys wich left me a big mess. I was terrified to keep writing, because I think it's one of the few thing I can be good at if Ikeep working on it, and suddenly I thought I couldn't do it anymore, my ideas were not good enough, my writing style wasn't good enough, English (which is not my native language) was not good enough_ I was not good enough.
> 
> After a little while, I felt a tad bit better, but I was still afraid to try writing again. And now that we are in october, an especially hard time for me, I realised I couldn't keep avoinding writing. First because I missed it, second because of the amazing people who had left nice comments and kudos on my stories, and third, because I've been fighting my insecurities and I don't want to let it win over me. 
> 
> So I'm back and have no intention to go hide under my rock again. I've started writing the third chapter and it should be up soon ! 
> 
> Also, a massive, massive thank you to all of the people who left a comment or a kudo on this story, or any other. For the reason I explained sooner, it meant a lot and helped me so, so much.

**December, 1943**

 

 

Bucky was freezing his ass off. One would think soldiers got used to the cold during  wartime. That was far from the truth. The thin tent didn't prevent the cold wind from reaching him. Bucky’s teeth were chattering.

Sometimes he thought he was he still at that Hydra base and the last months had been a dream, a hallucination.

 

So many things had changed. When Steve had come to save him, he thought he was delirious. This perfect specimen of an Adonis was not his Stevie. It was his face, his voice, but not his body, and it could never be his body. Then the explanation came, the super serum, Erskine, Steve jumping on a dummy grenade - that, he could totally imagine. And after some hours of talking to Captain America, Bucky had believed he was Steve. It was just that sometimes, it seemed... too crazy. His best friend had become a super hero, came to save him like some sort of damsel in distress, the Hydra leader was literally a red skull...

 

Bucky could hear Dum Dum laughing outside the tent, snapping him back to the present. He lied down and closed his eyes, trying to rest. He had to. The Howling Commandoes were on their way to a risky mission: they had to capture Arnim Zola, Schmidt's chief scientist. When Bucky had heard the command, he shivered. He knew Zola. When his unit was captured and sent to one of the Hydra bases, Zola used him as a guinea pig. Bucky had spent days strapped to a chair, half drugged, wholly tortured, not understanding a damn word of what Zola mumbled in German next to him. The scientist had injected him with- something, Bucky still didn't know what  it was, and wasn’t sure he wanted to. Probably poison, either to find new ways to kill Americans or to find an antidote for the Germans.

 

Bucky still had nightmares about it. Steve found out. Since then, he had decided to share Bucky's tent, something normal soldiers had to do, to stay with his best friend when the nightmares were too much. When Bucky complained he was not a baby, Steve frowned “ You used to do it for me, when I was sick. Get a taste of your own medicine, Buck.”

 

… Damn stubborn punk.

 

Steve had been the only thing Bucky was thinking about, back in the hell of Hydra. Steve, and that one time when Bucky had taught him how to kiss... how they ended up masturbating each other. And Bucky realised how happy he was at that moment. He regretted not being able to do it again. He realised he would have liked a repeat before dying. It was comforting, in a twisted sort of way, that he didn't have to over-think things, given that he was about to die here. Then Steve Rogers stormed in, slamming his shield around and calling out for him.

 So now that he had the chance again, what was he supposed to do? He cared for Steve, he knew that, had known for a long time. But was there something more? Was he in love with Steve? If he was being honest, he might be. Bucky had slept with a good amount of dames, and it had never felt as good as that one time with Steve. And he’d never been much bothered by having to live with his best friend. To be honest, the thought of living together forever was very... appealing. Until the end of the line, they’ve always said. And they were close. Maybe too close for simple best friends. He knew he would die for Steve, even before all this Captain America thing. He was more terrified of the thought of losing Steve than he’d ever been for any gal. And he really wanted to kiss him again.

 

But it was frightening. Men loving other men were taken to jail, killed in dark alleys, sent to camps. If Steve reciprocated his feelings, they’d have to face a load of problems. They would have to hide. And if Steve didn't felt the same... He’d be disgusted. Sure, Steve was a tolerant man but he might want to move out and never see Bucky again. So if Bucky truly was in love with his best friend, he had to be completely sure about it, and he had to carefully think about what the fuck to do. He was ready to face the world, to be treated like a freak, a degenerate, but to lose Steve in any way? He couldn't take that.

 

He was drawn out of his musings by someone entering the tent. He looked behind his shoulder and saw Steve. Speaking of the devil...

 

Steve had just ended his watch and expected Bucky to be asleep. However, he wasn’t really surprised to see him still awake.

 

“ Are you alright?” he asked.

 

The sergeant sat and nodded “ Yeah. Just thinking.”

 

Steve feigned shock “You know how to do that?”

 

 “Very funny, Rogers. Remind me, who was the one who needed help  with maths when we were kids?”

“Yeah, um, about that...”

The flickering light from the petroleum lamp didn't hide the blond's blush.

“I...” Steve paused to flick his tongue over his upper lip. Bucky's eyes stayed glued to it one second too long. “I know it's been tough for you” Steve finally kept going “And I know you don't want to talk about it, so I won't force you. Just, if it's still too much, and you don't want to do what I'm gonna ask, you don't have to.”

“Hold on, Rogers. I don't get where you’re going with this, if you could be a bit more specific, that would be nice.”

Steve sighed and scratched the back of his neck before looking at his best friend from under his ridiculously long eyelashes. At least those didn't change after the serum. Steve’s always had eyes any gal would die for. “Okay, I'm gonna be blunt but I... I want another lesson. L-like the one you gave me just before... going to the war."

Greyish eyes widened. Bucky was startled, to say the least. Of course he remembered, hell, it was the only thing he thought about during his trip to Nazi Inferno. And in the the few months since he’d come back, he was either focused on that night, or focused on Steve himself: his new body, hiss ass... his everything. Bucky felt a rush of hope, twisted in dreadful anguish crawling from his solar plexus to his jittering heart.

 

“Yeah, 'f course I remember. Why, you think I'm getting senile?” He tried to joke, but it sounded hoarse to his own ears.

 

Bucky noticed Steve was tense, too, because where the punk would have normally thrown back a witty answer, he just rolled his eyes with a shaky smile. Bucky wanted nothing more than to kiss Steve right here, right now, but he had to be sure he didn't misunderstand his best friend. After all, he had all the reasons to doubt now. He was not the only one seeing Steve's beauty, Steve's strength, Steve's value. Not anymore. And if the newly promoted Captain brushed off most of the hungry eyes fixed on him, he knew there was at least one pair that Steve cared for. Peggy Carter was gorgeous and strong-minded, a rare gem if he was being honest. He couldn't blame Steve for looking at her the way he did, and he couldn't blame Peggy for looking at Steve the way she did. And still, cold jealousy chilled his veins.

 

He hid his angst behind his best teasing smirk “Oh, I get it. It's for pretty Agent Carter, isn't it?”. Steve blushed and lowered his eyes, chewing at his lower lip. Bucky felt his heart sink in the face of the lack of correction and the total Hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar attitude of his best friend.

 

So he was wrong. What he felt wasn’t mutual. At least he’d been clever enough not to jump in without any thought, like Steve would have done if he’d loved him back. Which he didn't. Wait a second, love?  _Who_  and  _when_  did anyone talk about love? Like yeah, Bucky had considered he might love Steve in a more profound way than he initially thought, but he hadn't-.

 

Fucking hell. He was in deep.

 

“ Buck...” Steve started, but his best friend cut in.

 

“ Not that I'm feeling lazy or anything, but you shouldn't have too much trouble seducing her.” Bucky said in what he hoped was a cheery voice “ I mean, look at you. And she's already looking at you like she's dying to kiss you.” he hadn't intended to let it sound so bitter.

 

Steve sighed and finally looked up at him “ Listen, if you don't want to-”

 

“That's not what I said, Steve.” Oh Lord, if only he knew. “ It's just that I don't want you to wait if it's not necessary.”

 

“ It's not unnecessary.” Steve spoke softly, catching Bucky out of guard. „ I'm just... not sure about... I'm not sure.”

 

That made sense. Steve was not used to being the center of attention, especially when it came to ladies. It was understandable, he was still doubting his qualities as a charming man. Bucky knew Steve was the opposite of a show-off, and as such, he supposed the blond was at unease.

And if he was entirely honest with himself, Bucky  _wanted_ a re-do of that night. It disgusted him, because in doing so, he would defile his best friend, or worse, take advantage of him. Bucky knew he would regret it later, would never be able to look in Steve's eyes again, and wish to have died on that fucking surgery table in the rat-hole of Hydra. But that would come later, and it was not enough to stop his desperate selfishness at the moment. It was the last chance he had to touch Steve, to feel him. How could a man preparing for a long trip in desert refuse one last mouthful of water?

 

“ Alright then. So... why don't you sit next to me?” Bucky suggested, patting the spot next to him. Steve did so in the following second. Bucky breathed in, and exhaled softly. “Okay. Imagine you're alone with her. What would you do?”

 

Steve's eyes frowned “ I'd... talk, I guess?”

 

Bucky looked at him flatly “ Yeah, well. It's not a meeting.”

 

“ I know ! I just... I'm not good at this. _You're_  the one who sweeps all girls off their feet  just by cocking your eyebrow.”

 

 _Yeah, just not the one person I want._ “ True enough. Let's skip this part. There will be a moment when you'll feel you can kiss her. You'll see it in her eyes, in the way she'll pucker or half open her lips, in her body language in general. For example...”

 

Bucky's hand grazed at Steve's. He kept the contact light, and his own greyish orbs flickered from Steve's blue ones to the blond's lips. Alternating from one to another, like a butterfly trying to choose between two close light sources. He saw the pink tip of a tongue brush that tantalizing lip, and moved the tiniest bit forward. He wanted the blond to take the final step.

 

Steve copied his movement. They were face to face, and Steve could feel his best friend's erratic breath on his own face, before moving his hand to Bucky's neck. The blond dipped in, and brushed his lips against the other’s, once, twice. He took the brunet's bottom lips between his, briefly sucked on it, just enough to cause a delicious tug, and provided the tiniest lick before letting go.

 

Bucky let out a strangled moan  “You... you got better at this.”

 

Steve dared to look sheepish “ I had a good teacher.” before diving back to take Bucky's mouth. He pried it open with a gentle push of his lips.

 

Slowly but surely, Bucky felt himself losing control. Because it was Steve, because he’d dreamt of it a million times, because it was so tender and the last weeks,  _months_  even, had been so rough - it was heaven in this rotten hell of a world.

 

But even if he was clearly more experienced, Steve remained shy. He was soft and slow and bashful, and eventually, Bucky snapped. He took Steve's face between his hands and threw himself on top of him. Both men fell onto the thin mattress with a muffled thump. Steve choked on a surprised gasp, but Bucky swallowed it while kissing him with passion and a need that had been lacking until then. Steve quickly followed, moaning, caressing his friend's tongue more deeply.

 

One of Bucky's hands flew to the Captain's chest, discovering a landscape of new muscles with his touch. Gone were the frail ribs concealing ill lungs; in their place there were strong abs and a delightful handful of supple pecs.

 

“ Gosh Stevie, the way you feel... Covering such beauties should be illegal.” he panted in desire.

Steve moaned“ Take it off, Buck, c'mon-”

 

Without tearing his mouth from Steve's, Bucky tried to unbutton the offending shirt, and growled in frustration when he failed at it. Refusing to pull away from those alluring lips, Bucky promptly ripped it off, scattering buttons all over the floor and the camp bed. Steve's hands passed under his sergeant's shirt, scratching lightly at the smooth skin beneath “ C'mon, hurry-”

Bucky placed his hand, previously on the blond's neck, on his mouth “Shh, Stevie. Can't make too much noise.” And just because the mental picture was good enough to make him half-hard, he whispered in Steve's ear “Don't make me gag you.”

 

Blue eyes widened as Steve arched against the warm body above him, and he bit into Bucky's shoulder to muffle his moan.  _Interesting_ , Bucky thought. But he didn't want to remember that. What was the point of remember and then never have the ability to explore? To muzzle the tang of sadness that rose at the thought, Bucky pulled his friend in another ardent kiss.

 

“God, you make me crazy... I want you... I want you so bad.” Words slipped from Bucky's mouth before he could restrain them, so he quickly added “ That's the kind of thing you should say.” And because he was already officially a despicable, straight-to-Hell guy, he said “C'mon punk, do it as if I was her. Tell me... tell me you want me. Please...”. He definitely didn't deserve Steve. He hid his immorality in Steve's hot throat, planting tiny kisses here and there. He felt fingers on his scalp, and Steve's raw voice panted “ I want you... I want you... You feel so good...”

 

Steve became bolder and took his turn in hastily peeling Bucky's shirt off.

 

Bucky shivered when a warm palm met his stomach and traced abstract patterns on his skin. The sergeant went lower, kissing each pec and the cleavage between them, each defined ab, then returning to gently suck on both hardened nipples. He took delight in finding new spots, new ways to draw a reaction from the blond. Suddenly, he felt movement against his hip. Casting an eye downward he froze and felt himself getting harder.

 

Stevie - Steve whom people have assocaited with a picture of exaggerated purity - was touching himself furiously, jerking off like some horny teenager, just because of a bit of kissing and grinding, because of him, Bucky Barnes.

 

Steve caught him looking, and blushed, but asked cockily “ Like what you see?”

 

Bucky growled, nipping at the blond's lip “ Fuck yeah... Are you going to touch me, too? Or are you too scared?”

 

Steve's eyes narrowed, and he undid his friend's pants. Bucky's cock was warm and hard in his hand, and both men had to suppress their moans when their pulsing flesh came in contact. But the friction soon became too dry, despite the copious amount of pre-come mixing on their dicks. “ Wait, wait-” Steve said, stoping his frantic strokes. Bucky froze. Did he go too far? Did Steve notice Bucky enjoyed it a bit too much? “The first aid kit... next to my shield... there's a kind of cream, for burns...”

 

Bucky relaxed instantly, and bent down to lick inside Steve's navel before rising to fetch the little tube. Now kneeling on top of Steve, the sergeant took in the man's beauty in its entirety. “ You're so beautiful...” he couldn't help but mumble when lying back on top of him.

 

The blond chuckled while squirting a dollop of product on his palm “Yeah, let's thank the serum.”

 

Bucky shook his head “No, 's not what I mean... You've always been beautiful, even back then. But right now, you're the most stunning view I’ve ever seen. Not because of the serum. Because of the faces you make... The noises you let...”

 

Steve grabbed him suddenly, pulling him into a rough kiss and resumed their rubbing, before reversing their position. Bucky landed on his back and watched the pleasure rushing on the blond's face with heavy eyelids. He wasn't going to last.

 

Then suddenly, Steve urged between frenzied kisses “Do me. If I want to... I have to know how.”

 

And God, Bucky was so weak.

 

He ignored the sting of the first thought that yelled he was just a step to get to Carter, and the second one, even more dreadful, that shouted that if he did it, he was definitely,  _totally_  abusing Steve. There would be no turning back. But all of Bucky's blood was currently in his cock, and fuck it, if Steve had no problem using him, at least Bucky could make a profit out of it. Because in the end, he knew memories of these heated moments would be all that he had -  memories, and the sour taste of guilt.

 

“ You sure, babydoll?” he still asked, and maybe Steve would think it's another twisted way to teach him how to treat a dame.

 

But the blond ground harder against him, and bit back a moan “ Yeah, yeah I'm sure, hurry the fuck up-”

 

Bucky threw Steve over, gaining his first position back. He lifted one of the blond's legs and trailed soft kisses over his calf, before placing it on his shoulder.

 

Steve only had a soft patch of golden curls surrounding his cock. The skin on his ass and around his hole was clean of any hair. Bucky groped at one rounded cheek in awe. “Fuck... you're so perfect...”

 

Steve snorted “ Yeah, like you're one to talk.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes “ Shut up and hand me the slick.”

 

Bucky’s never fucked a guy before, and no woman had let him near this part of her rump. That was for filthy scamps, whores and faggots. But one of Bucky's coworkers at the bench had done it with a local prostitute, and rambled on about it for days, so Bucky had some minimal knowledge.

 

He squeezed a generous amount of ointment and spread it carefully, waiting until it wasn't too cold.Then, remembering it was a lesson for Steve, he stated “I'm going to prepare you, okay? You have to be very careful with dames. Talk them through it. Keep touching them elsewhere, on safer areas.” Then, in a slightly strangled voice “ Show them-show them you care.”  _God, I'm doing the biggest fucking mistake of my life..._

 

But Steve, sweet, innocent Steve just looked at him under long eyelashes and smiled “ You can go in. I trust you.”

 

“And I... I care for you, Punk.” He couldn't say he loved him. He had no right. He didn't deserve it.

 

“I care for you too, Jerk.” Steve said, with something strange in his voice. “ Now come on, are you waiting for the Nazi's next attack?”

 

“Shut up, I'm just trying not to hurt you.” Bucky grumbled, inserting one finger carefully to the first knuckle.

 

Steve gasped a little before resuming his point “ The serum will take care of it- It'll heal.”

 

“ Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't feel pain, and I don't want you to be in any.” The brunet's finger moved around, stroking the inner walls, wiggling softly to make Steve adjust. “ Agent Carter doesn't have your super serum, so you'll have to be slow and gentle. Might as well get used to it now.”

 

After a few moments, Bucky started to move his finger in and out. Gradually, he added another one and kept breaching Steve repeatedly. Suddenly, the blond's eyes widened and a he moaned loudly. Bucky stopped his movement and covered his friend's mouth with his clean hand “Shh ! You want someone to walk in or what?” he hissed.

 

But Steve didn't seem to care, for he whined “ Do that again, that-that spot that you hit, again-” and he tried to undulate to find that sparkle of pleasure again.

 

Bucky grinned wolfishly.  _Take that, Carter_. She might be Steve's favourite, she might be able to kiss him in public, but Bucky has been his first kiss, and above all, Bucky was able to give Steve a kind of pleasure that Carter never would. Because let's face it, Steve would never ask her to finger his ass, and Bucky doubted she would casually offer it. And judging by Steve's delirious expression, his aborted wails, and the way he downright impaled himself on Bucky's knuckles, Steve was loving it. Bucky hoped Steve would remember, even after, when he'd have Carter, after they made love. This way, the blond would always remain, in a small way,  _his_  Stevie.

 

“ Yeah, you like this, babydoll?” he asked lowly in the blond's ear “ I think we found a nice spot... And that's so, so hot. You're so sensitive, it makes me crazy. You feel how hard I am for you? I can feel how hard you are for me. And so. Fucking. Wet.”

 

He pressed the pleasurable spot inside Steve while talking, and joined a third finger at the end of his sentence. Steve squirmed like mad under him, his pretty mouth in a constant half-opened state. Bucky planted a kiss there, just because he could.

 

“I'm gonna fuck you now” Bucky growled. He felt like an animal, like a possessed man, shutting all sense of reason out of  his brain. Even though he knew he would deeply regret it, and mourn it, he didn't care at the moment. He wanted to take what he could, what Steve allowed him to take now, before shutting all access down forever.

 

Steve whined when Bucky removed his fingers, but stopped when Bucky pressed his cock against his hole. Bucky's dick was hard, glistening from the cream, a pearly bead of pre-come drooling from the tip when the sergeant rubbed it against the stretched hole.

 

They locked eyes, and Steve gripped Bucky by his neck, pulling him into another kiss and pulling him into himself. They swallowed each other moan. Breathing hard, Bucky asked “Stevie, you okay?” The blond man nodded, but his jaw was tense. Without moving his lower body so that Steve could adjust, Bucky planted sloppy kisses on Steve's face, his mouth, his neck, his ear. The hand which wasn't holding his weight snaked to Steve's erection, and he started to idly stroke him “You're so good... So beautiful Stevie... Babydoll, you're the best, the fucking best...I care for you... I care for you so much...”

 

Steve looked at him with glazed eyes “Buck... Bucky...” and sucked on the brunet's tongue with something like desperation. “ Move...”

 

So Bucky started to roll his hips in careful, gentle thrusts. Steve was hot and tight around him, feeling like velvet encasing his cock . He aimed for that sweet spot he had found earlier, never ceasing his movements on his friend's dick. He knew he found the right spot again when Steve's legs flew to his waist, enclosing him strongly, and Bucky went quicker. He varied the speed, the depth, the places where he touched Steve with his other hand, and memorized everything he could. How Steve's breath hitched after a particularly strong thrust, how he flushed from the tip of his ears to his beautiful tits, the feeling of Steve's toes curling against the small of Bucky's back, the roughened texture of a perky nipple when Bucky latched his lips and tongue on it, the rapid fluttering of Steve's pulse point when Bucky kissed it, the wet slaps of Bucky's thigh against Steve's bottom, the way Steve bit his lips, he stored it all in his brain to have something to hold on to when it eventually all went to Hell.

 

“Babydoll, fuck, I'm gonna-”

 

“Bucky, Bucky, _oh God, oh fuck, Bucky, my Bucky...!_ ”

 

And that was it, that tiny possessive determiner, those two little letters right before his name, they did it. Bucky braced himself against Steve, snapping inside him as if he would die if he lost the rhythm, and bit on the swell of a perfect pec. He could feel the rush of hot wetness escaping from him and inside Steve, and fuck, wasn't that a nice thought. The blond was still wriggling against him, and Bucky could feel he wasn't far behind, so he grasped the blond's hard dick and started jerking him off. It only took five strokes for Steve to bite his own wrist, and come all over himself. Streaks of white adorned his sculpted abs, some even made it to his nipple. Bucky kind of wanted to lick it, but his arms gave in and he collapsed onto his friend, smearing the mess between their skin.

 

For a moment, there was nothing but their panting breaths, and Bucky was happy to just let himself be absorbed in Steve's warmth and smell. Then the cold wind hit his skin and the sergeant moved to get a cover, slipping out of the blond. It was at this exact moment, when he saw his release slowly trickling out of Steve's hole, that he fully realised.

 

He had slept with Steve.

 

He had come  _in_  Steve !

 

“ Oh my God, oh no, no, NO !” he jumped, horrified. How could he... He had been so selfish and inconsiderate, he could have infected Steve with something !

“ Bucky? Buck, what's wrong?” Steve asked, ready to get up, but Bucky silently ordered him to shut up and stay still. After a second, when Bucky was sure noone had heard them, he whispered in panic

 

“ What's wrong? I may have just killed you ! Fuck, I knew something was wrong with me, ever since I came back from  -from there. You should have let me die, Steve ! I became a monster, an abomination, it's gnawing me from the inside and now it might be in you too-”

 

“Bucky calm the fuck down !” Steve sat and took his friend's wrist, pulling him next to him. Bucky moved as far away from him as the camp-bed allowed. “ Buck, what are you talking about?”

 

Eyebrows drawn in anger, Bucky whisper-yelled “ The... The rubber ! I didn't use a rubber! Fucking shit Rogers, I've been Hydra's guinea pig for  _days_ , they pumped me full of, of- _things._  Poison, maybe, and drugs, and I'm not talking about the lack of hygiene of the medical tools ! There's something wrong with me, I'm not the same and-and I didn't care if there was some kind of time-bomb in my blood, and I may have given it to you ! You could be infected with something and it's because of me, and we can't go to a doctor and ask for exams, because they'll ask us why we think there is a problem and we can't tell them we-”

 

“ Buck ! Can you listen to me?” Steve grabbed the brunet's face with both hands, turning to face him. At least Bucky stopped rambling “ Super soldier, remember? I don't get sick. I can't. So calm down.”

 

Steve gently brushed brown strands of hair out of his friend's face. And Bucky leaned in, even if he didn't deserve this.

 

Steve got up to pick up a blanket and draped it over Bucky and himself. “ It's okay”the blond murmured soothingly “We're okay, Buck. But you have to go see the doctors as soon as possible. Why didn't you tell me sooner you’ve been feeling ill for so long? I knew there would be psychological damages, but you should have told me you’re worried about your physical health. I would never have asked you to follow me here then.”

 

Bucky shook his head with a sad smile “ It's not that, Steve. It's-complicated? I don't know how to explain. And I don't want to.”

 

Steve looked at him sadly “Buck...”

 

The sergeant cut him “No Steve. It's- you should take your distance from me.”

 

There was a silence. It hurt Bucky to say that, but it was the best solution, and he had to make Steve understand while his head was still clear. He rose and picked their scattered clothes up, throwing Steve his own and dressing himself.

 

Something sad and wounded flashed in Steve's blue eyes “Is that because of what we've done?”

 

Bucky shook his head “ No, Steve, it's... because of what I've done. Well, it is related to what just happened but-”

 

“I gave you my consent. You did nothing wrong. Fuck Bucky, I was the one asking you !” Then, Steve asked, a bit more grave “ Do you... regret it?”

 

Bucky stopped, in the middle of buttoning up his shirt “ Yes and no. I... I wanted it Steve, and I could never, ever regret something like that with you. I care for you, pal. But that's the problem. I care so much for you that in the end, I cared more for myself than for what was truly good for you.” He groaned, before explaining “ I know you're a stubborn little punk, so I know you won't back off until I've told you. So please... Just bear in mind I never wanted that to happen.” A sigh, before he kept going “ So yeah, that night we jerked each other off? I thought about it all the time. About you. I wanted a re-do. I don't know if it's love, lust, or whatever fucking in-between there might be. I wanted you, Steve. I still do. And I wanted you so hard that when you came to ask me for advice about getting Agent Carter, I used it against you. I know you're in love with her, or at the very least you wanna try to have a relationship with her. But I used it as a way to get you into my bed. I didn't want it to happen in the first place, Steve, but when you came in asking for another lesson, I thought I couldn't lose my chance, my last chance. I thought we would just rub against each other like we did that first night, but then you wanted me to fuck you and I-I couldn't stop. I knew I was being a selfish bastard, I knew I would regret it after, but I couldn't stop. Fucking hell Steve, I broke your trust, I  _abused_  you !”

 

“ Have you finished?”

 

Steve had been so calm that Bucky was a bit startled, and then hissed in anger “ You mean, other than the fact that I could have poisoned you with my dick? Yeah, I think that's all.”

 

Steve sighed “I already told you, even if you wanted to, you wouldn't be able to give me any diseases. As for the rest... Well, some things need to be clarified. Can you sit?”

 

Bucky eyed him, then the closed opening of the tent “ Only if you put your clothes back on. It's already a miracle no one came in sooner, I don't want to push our luck.”

 

Steve put his underwear and pants back on, but the shirt was ruined thanks to Bucky's rough treatment. Only then did the sergeant grudgingly sit next to his best friend.

 

Steve started “ Alright, first of all: I wanted this. Like I said, I asked for it, so if someone coerced the other into anything, that'd be me. Do you feel you’ve been taken advantage of?” Seeing Bucky was about to interrupt him, Steve stated “ No, let me finish. I was the one who wanted this, so even if I had regretted it after- which I dind't- I would have been the only one to blame. You gave me multiple opportunities to back off. I did not, because I wanted to keep going. And I wanted you to enjoy this, so no, you did not abuse me. You gave me what I wanted, you let me know we could stop, and for Christ sake, I'm a fucking grown man who can decide who I want to sleep with !”

 

“ But you fucking love Carter !” Bucky lashed out

 

There was a silence. Steve looked at his best friend for a long time, and then said “ She is an impressive woman, and one of the most beautiful gals I've ever known. So yeah, I am attracted to her. But that doesn't mean I'm  _in love_  with her. I mean, I'm sure I could fall for her. But for now, there is someone else that I have strong feelings for. I don't know if it's love yet, but what I feel for this jerk overpowers what I might one day feel for Peggy.”

 

“ Oh please Steve” Bucky spat with venom “ I don't want your pity. It just makes me feel even worse for what I've done to you. Maybe you don't feel betrayed, and that proves you're the fucking nicest person in the World, but that makes me even more horrible.”

 

“ Fucking shit, Barnes, why don't you listen to me ?! It's not pity. It's the truth. Listen, I have kissed other people after that night. USO dancers, mainly. But every time, I've stopped touching them, all of those pretty girls, some even prettier than Peggy. I never went below their satiny belts. I always found an excuse, said I didn't want to cause them troubles, that it wasn't reasonable, that I couldn't let myself go in such a way when other men where dying outside. It just fit the whole Captain America thing. And you know why? Because it wasn't what I craved. The things that I felt, that night, I've never found it again. Except with you.”

 

Bucky smile was sad. He could almost believe Steve. But he knew otherwise. “ You’ve got a picture of her” he stated. Steve's mouth opened, then shut. Bucky kept going “ You take it out sometimes during meetings or when you think no one is watching. I know you always keep it on you. And I can't blame you, Steve. Like you said, she's brilliant. And you're... you. A perfect match, really.”

 

Without a word, Steve stood and fumbled to extricate said picture. It looked like he had cut it out from some newspaper, and carefully placed it in a rounded little picture frame. The glass over it was clean and smooth, no trace of any cracks on it. But then, Steve opened the little frame and took Peggy's picture out of it. There was another picture inside, and Steve handed it to Bucky for him to see what it was.

 

Bucky's breath caught in his throat.

 

Inside, hidden from all eyes, known only by Steve, there was a picture of himself, James Buchanan Barnes.

 

Steve must have cut this one from newspaper, too. He remembered the day it was taken: just after Steve went to save him from Hydra, when all the survivors came back and the news spread like wild fire. Journalists had gone to immortalize “ The Good Captain's miracle” and one of them had asked for a picture of Cap and his childhood friend.

 

Bucky looked at the picture, then at Steve, then back at the picture, then back at Steve. “You... You...”

 

“Sure, Peggy is the front one, the one anyone can see even when I think no one is watching. But it's only because risking to show yours could lead to you being arrested, even if you're one of the best soldiers this army has.” Steve clarified “ I don't care that you're a man, it won't stop me from falling for you, if I'm not already in love with you. I'm ready to fight anyone who dares to hurt you, but if I can protect you upstream? I prefer to play it safe, because I don't want to risk you being hurt. I don't care what they do to me, and to be honest I'm sure they'd sweep the issue under the rug_because Captain Symbol Of Purity And All That Shit America - but I don't want you to suffer the consequences. So you're not visible, but you're always here, with me. You're the closest one to me” he added sheepishly.

 

Bucky kept staring at him, dumbfounded.  _Bucky Barnes, you're the biggest fucking idiot of this whole galaxy._

 

Steve gently touched his face “ When I flew against orders to get you, I didn't think about Peggy. I knew I was risking her career, that she could have been disgraced even if I came back with our soldiers. A bunch of superiors were just waiting for that one bad move. And you know what ? I didn't care. All I cared about was  _you_.”

 

“ Shut up, you fucking sap” Bucky whispered in a broken voice before leaning toward the blond to kiss him. There was something sweet, like relief, tenderness, but also burning desire.

 

When they parted, Bucky rested his forehead against Steve's and closed his eyes, a peaceful smile on his lips. “ I'm sorry I've been such a jerk.” He apologised.

 

Steve gently rubbed their noses together “ It's okay. We have some problems with communication, don't we?”

 

Bucky hummed “ Yeah, well, all problems have their solutions, babydoll.” He heard Steve's strangled gasp and opened his eyes, marvelling at the pinkness colouring the apple of Steve's cheeks “You like that, don't you?” Bucky teased.

 

Steve pouted, but stole a kiss “ We should get some sleep” he said “Tomorrow's mission is a big one. We have to capture one of Hydra's head scientists. If we succeed, we'll be really close to ending all of this madness and we'll be able to go back home. Our home. We'll even be able to afford an apartment with a decent shower pressure, a real heater, real rooms-”

 

“ But what if I want to keep sharing a room with you” Bucky asked cockily.

 

Steve smiled “ We'll have to talk about a bunch of things, you and I. I'm not sure of what I feel for you... But I want to find out what it is. I don't want to waste time like that first night, when we stuck our heads in the sand. We have this second chance.”

 

“ After tomorrow's mission, then?”

 

“ After tomorrow's mission”, Steve promised.

 

That night, they pushed their camp-beds next to each other and slept cuddled together.

 

The following day, during the mission, Sergeant James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes fell from the train carrying Arnim Zola in front of Steve's eyes.

 

Three days later, Steven Grant Rogers willingly crashed his damaged plan into the Artic. The last thing he did was to put his round little picture frame, now shattered, in front of him, after having delicately removed Peggy Carter's picture. That way, the last thing Steve saw was Bucky's smiling face, before he sank into the ice cold water.

 

Peggy Carter was the only person thinking Captain America's brave sacrifice might have been an hidden suicide.

 

Seventy years later, Steve Rogers re-opened his eyes.

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so we're back to angst but fear not ! It won't stay that way for very long. I promise, it's the last time I smash your feels... I think ;)


	3. Practical Works

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, that's when we start getting non canon compliant. This chapter takes place after CAWS events. Will Bucky and Steve finally get their happy ending? Next chapter will be the last !

**October, 2014**

 

Both of them are sitting side by side on the couch - a monstrosity of comfort, as large as a single bed and barely shorter. Tony wasn’t lying when he mentioned “some advantages” of living in the Avengers Tower.

 

The curtains are open the aquarel-like landscape of a soft October late afternoon. It's been surprisingly warm all day. Steve is wearing sweatpants and a threadbare but still soft blue T-shirt. He's barefoot on what has to be the cosiest rug in the world - seriously, the first time he’d stepped on it, he had to restrain himself from wrapping himself in it like a super-soldier sushi.

 

The room is cast in warm, amber light, and Steve can see the shadows of skyscrapers and other tall buildings stand out in a darker tone, like a set of shadow puppets. He could get his sketchbook and draw the urban landscape, but he doesn't. Instead, his eyes are locked on the man next to him.

 

To see Bucky again had been a shock. To find him, an endurance race. When the Winter Soldier doesn't want to be caught, you can't catch him. But Steve Rogers is nothing if not obstinate: he’d followed every clue, every rumour, every blurred shadow spotted on security cameras in the hope of finally getting Bucky back. Sam and Natasha were with him all along the way, while trying to temper him at the same time:  _When he wants to be found, you'll find him_. Yeah, well, the serum did amplify everything - Steve was stubborn like a mule to begin with, and now he's a fucking brick wall.

 

So he kept looking for Bucky tirelessly for months, even though he knew his teammates were right: he had no chance until Bucky decided to stop playing cat and mouse with him.

 

And then one day, when Steve was doing his ritual jogging at the crack of dawn, he saw the silhouette of a man with his hands in his pockets, face hidden by his cap. He just stood there, looking sheepish, only a few meters from Steve, right in his path, despite the fact that the park was deserted at this hour. Steve was about to swerve to avoid a collision with the annoying tourist when the man peered up at him from under his cap.

 

Steve instantly froze, barely believing who it was.

 

Bucky had a hesitant smile, and tiredness in his eyes. “Hey, Steve.”

 

Steve didn’t know if he wanted to hit him or hug him. Probably both. He forced himself to stay wary: it seemed all too easy. On the other hand... he wanted to believe, God knows how he wanted to believe. So he wet his dry lips and asked, while trying to control his quivering voice “Why now?”

 

Bucky slumped, and the tiredness in his eyes turned into sadness.

 

“Because I've had enough of dealing with this shit alone” he mumbled “ I've had enough of all these questions without answers, of seeing your face and knowing you're important to me, but not knowing why. I've had enough of not being able to remember. I've had enough of being in pain. That guy - the guy on the posters at the Smithsonian, that James Buchanan Barnes... Was he…. me?”

 

He looked so lost, so genuine that Steve's eyes became foggy. The leader of the Avengers stepped closer, slowly, and carefully pulled him into an embrace

 

“No, he wasn't you. He  _is_ you, Buck.”

 

It ’s been three months. Three months since Steve brought Bucky to the tower, like one would adopt a skittish alley cat. The other Avengers had been surprised, but far less than Steve had expected. “We knew you'll eventually lay your hand on your fossil soviet buddy and that he'll need a place to crash. Since you live here, even someone less smart than me would have guessed” Tony had said casually, before throwing a spare key card to Steve's floor at Bucky.

 

During his time at the Tower, Bucky’s made a lot of progress. There is still a way to go, but it’s only a matter of time, Steve is sure of it.

 

So yeah, Bucky still sleeps with his Glock tucked under his pillow, and he still gets episodes, but he's relearning how to live with other people, how to see other people as non-threatening - now he's able to join the other residents for a movie night and once in a while, he goes with Steve for his morning run when he's sure there is not too many people outside.

Wanda is a great help, too. She got rid of all the nefarious mechanisms HYDRA had implanted in his skull, and she's been trying to bring back the memories that were taken away from him. He also has to see a SHIELD psychologist twice a week who shows him techniques he can use to  access his buried memories and helps him cope with all he had to endure .They are working on getting Bucky to think of himself as a human being and not as the Asset, something that he’d been trained to do.

 

It's a long job, taking a lot of time, almost like unraveling a Gordian knot thread by thread, and Steve wants to help his best friend in any way he can. He has an idea, and after some phone calls - some to museums, some to the Barnes heirs, always without giving his motives away - Steve receives dozens of boxes full of things that, he hopes, will help Bucky remember.

 

Steve doesn't want to shape this man into the same James Buchanan Barnes he’d known when he was just a kid from Brooklyn. It’s impossible and Steve knows it -and he also doesn't want to mould Bucky like he’s an object that has to be fixed.

 

Steve proves he’s accepted Bucky, this Bucky, as his own self, when he offers a piece of gingerbread to his friend. Bucky frowns when he takes it in his metal hand, carefully observes it like it’s some kind of ancient artefact and asks “Do I like it?”

Steve shrugs “ I don't know, you tell me. There's no right or wrong answer Buck. You may have changed but I'm still with you 'til the end of the line.”

At that, greyish orbs turn to him surprised and affected, and Bucky silently nods before he takes the cake in his mouth. After one second of thoughtful chewing, Bucky grimaces “I don't like it.”

Steve grins like the brat he is “ Then that's a thing that hasn't changed.”

“You little punk...!”

 

But the boxes are something else, more powerful than some store bought pastries. The boxes hold pictures and letters, objects and clothes, old makeshifts toys and vinyl records. The boxes are more personal, they're more Bucky-related than his dislike of gingerbread.

 

First they agree that if it doesn't work, they won't push. During the first session, Steve hands a scarf to Bucky. The look and touch of it doesn't trigger any memories, but when the ex Winter Soldier smells it – iris, roses and oranges - his eyes start to water and his mismatched hands tremble a bit. At first he doesn't understand why, but words fall from his lips, unwitting “It-it smells like... Why do I think of home when I smell it?”

Steve's heartbeat picks up, and the Captain tries to remain calm so as not to pressure Bucky “It's good Buck, really. Try to-try to smell it again, but maybe close your eyes, this time ? Maybe it'll help you to focus.”

So Bucky obeys, closes his eyelids and buries his face in the soft fabric. His forehead is pinched in concentration, inhaling deeply for two or three seconds until he startles back with a gasp “My Ma, it-it's my Ma's shawl, isn't it? It's her perfume. I-I remember, my father and Becca and I, we-we’ve been saving up for weeks to buy her a bottle for Christmas !”

“Yes Buck, it is. The perfume bottle was a big square thing, and the bottom of the glass was wrapped in this kind of black gauze...”

 

Needless to say, the experiment is a success and becomes a ritual, a part of Bucky's therapy. Steve and him, sitting on the couch, unboxing item after item during the evening. Of course, there are times when it doesn't work, when Bucky can't put his finger on something or doesn't even feel anything when Steve presents the article. But generally speaking, it helps him, a lot.

 

The box of the day is from the archives of the museum that did the whole Captain America exhibition after Steve's awakening. Bucky is always a bit anxious when they do it, so Steve is always the one opening the boxes.

 

“You ready?” he asks - he always asks first, because he knows some days are really tough for Bucky and he doesn't want to pressure him into anything. If his best friend doesn't want to, then they won't do it.

 

But Bucky just nods “Yeah, let's do this.”

 

Steve blindly reaches inside, grabs the first thing that he touches and hands it to Bucky. At the sight of it, Steve's heart clenches a little. Bucky himself looks taken aback “Is this...these are my dog tags, right?”

 

“Yeah” Steve gulps, before adding “Had I known they were in there, I’d have given them to you sooner...” But he never opens the boxes without Bucky. After all, they’ve started doing this for him.

 

Bucky fingers the silver chain gently “I don't remember all the information on my ID, but I remember there was a time when I knew it by heart...” His eyebrows furrow, something he does when he's trying especially hard to trace back to a flash of memory that could disappear any second “I remember... being hurt and strapped to a chair before my fall, and I didn't stop muttering it. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, 18232557, in the 107...”

 

Steve's blood grows cold because he's about one hundred percent sure he can pinpoint what event Bucky's talking about. But he doesn't interfere, doesn't want to risk interrupting Bucky's rewinding.

 

The man keeps talking, his metal joints clattering quietly against the tag “It was- It was during the war, but you weren't there, not yet. You were... smaller? Yes, that's the time when you were still smaller, before the serum. I was strapped to this fucking med table and I thought about you, and the image I had was of you when you were smaller.” Bucky raises faded grey eyes to his best friend “ You came to save me, didn't you? I was captured by HYDRA for the first time and you came to rescue me... It was the first time I saw you in your new body.”

 

He stops himself for a bit than asks “Can I keep them? The dog tags, that is.”

 

“ 'f course you can” Steve knows he shouldn't agree so fast when technically they belong to the museum, but to Hell with that. “They’re yours, Buck. You can do whatever you want with them.” he adds with a reassuring smile, before asking “You wanna keep going or we call it a night?” It's barely been fifteen minutes, but he knows how overwhelming the whole process can be.

 

But Bucky rolls his eyes and scoffs “Don't treat me like some porcelain shit, Rogers. 's just stuff.”

 

“Yeah, well excuse me for not wanting to strain your stupid ass, Jerk. And coming from the man who didn't even let me make two steps outta bed when I was sick-”

 

“That's not the same and you know it, Punk.” He huffs, but there's a slight grin still tugging his lips. “Now shut up and hand me the rest.”

 

Turns out, the next object is a lighter, but Bucky doesn't seem to recognise it. He examines it from every angle, but sighs “No, nothing. Is-Was this important?”

 

Steve himself is a bit astounded. It doesn't ring any bells to him either. “I think it might be Dugan's lighter, but I'm not sure. He was the only one smoking cigarettes.”

 

Bucky cracks a smile “Yes, he always said he'd quit once we kicked the Nazi's asses for good.” The amusement on his features lessens when he admits in a strangled voice “I'd like to remember him better. Him and all the Howlies.”

 

Steve's heart clenches at that. The Howling Commandos had been a second family, for both of them. And sure, Steve had had a hard time mourning them, but it was better than to know to have known them without actually remembering them. Bucky's memories were still shy around the topic of the Howling Commandos, maybe because the memory of them was something Bucky hung on to for the longest time during his brainwashing. The blond claps him softly on the metal shoulder “You will. I'm sure you will.”

 

The ex Winter Soldier looks at him with something lurking in his eyes, like he's mentally debating whether to do something or not. Even though Steve doesn't want to pressure his best friend into anything, he still wants him to know he doesn't need to be scared to ask anything. So he prompts gently “What are you thinking about?”

 

Bucky rakes his flesh hand through his long hair, purses his lips, closes them, and finally, he drops “Did we kiss when we were younger?”

 

Steve can feel his breath stop in his lungs.

 

_Oh._

 

He knew the topic might come up, but he didn't think it’d happen so soon. Given Bucky's situation, Steve’s decided not to talk about it before his friend chose to do so. Bucky is disoriented enough as it is, no need to make things more complicated. Even though Steve had time to think about what he felt - and had concluded rather quickly that he was in fact in love with the other man – he’s afraid to confess his feelings to Bucky, afraid it would sound like an ultimatum. They have more important things to sort out before that. First, Bucky needs to rebuild himself. The fact that he’s not exactly the Bucky from Steve's past doesn't change anything about Steve's feelings, he got to know this new Bucky and loves him just the same. But Steve isn't sure how Bucky felt back then, and even less sure about his feelings right now. Sure, Bucky is closer to him than to anybody else in the Tower, but that's also because Steve is the only one left that knew him, really knew him. Steve is well aware of that fact and it tamps down on any silly hope that sometimes raises in his chest.

 

But now that Bucky’s brought the topic up, Steve has to be honest.

 

“Yes” he affirms in what he hopes is a neutral voice “Yes, we did kiss.”

 

Bucky exhales slowly, like he's been holding his breath. “It didn't happen just once, did it?”

 

Steve shakes his head “No. You... You’ve taught me how to kiss just before you shipped out. And after I rescued you, I came back for another lesson.”

 

Bucky nods like he's proceeding. His hands are tightly folded on his knees, and suddenly, he bursts out “ Listen Steve, I know I have no right to ask you about this, and I wouldn't if I had a choice but- but I've been seeing these things and I don't know anymore if they are memories or just fantasies and-and it's driving me crazy. So you need to be honest with me, even if it might hurt me and please, if you're disgusted by what I'll say, forget about it, I don't want things to be awkward between us.”

 

Steve’s eyes widen, feeling a bit dumbfounded. It's the most Bucky has said in a row, and Steve's not sure he can fully understand what he means. But he owes this to Bucky, so he accepts “O...kay. But you have to know, I'll never be disgusted by you.”

 

Bucky barks a joyless laugh “Don't be so sure of that, Steve. You have no idea... I've done things-”

 

“It was not you, Buck. HYDRA was-”

 

“Now that all the shit HYDRA had implanted in me is gone, it can't be them. They're a bunch of rotten bastards, but so am I.”

 

Steve grabs him by the shoulders “You CAN'T say that kind of bullshit, Barnes ! They're monsters, and you're not- you're nothing like them. You didn't get a choice.”

 

Bucky looks bitter, another sour smirk on his face and pain in his eyes “ Yeah, right. Just. You promise?”

 

Steve wants to shake him, to yell at him that he’s not a monster or an abomination like he seems to believe. Instead, he just bites his lips, hard, and nods.

 

The ex Winter Soldier braces himself and starts “Who suggested it first that we should kiss?”

 

“You.”

 

“Were we dating then?”

 

“No.”

 

“Did we date after?”

 

“No.”

 

“Did we talk about it later?”

 

“ We hadn't the-”

 

“Don't sugarcoat it, did we?”

 

“ No bu-”

 

“Did we fuck?”

 

Steve throat is dry, the way Bucky speaks makes it all sound like a police interrogation... or maybe a HYDRA interrogation. At this moment, the Captain can't tell if the man in front of him is more his friend or the Soldier. But it seems important to Bucky, so he complies “Yes.”

 

“How many times?”

 

“Just once.”

 

“It was after you saved me from the HYDRA's base.”

 

This time, it's not a question. Bucky looks like he wants to regurgitate. He quickly stands up, a dark expression clouding his face.

 

Steve grasps his wrist “Bucky, what the fuck? What do you mean? And why are you so concerned about it?”

 

“Let go, Steve.” the other man scowls coldly, but with a tad of nervousness perceptible in his voice

 

“No fucking way, Barnes. You tell me what's wrong so we can sort it out.” Inside his head, Steve is panicking.  _Please, please don't shut me down, please let me stay, please let me help_.

 

Bucky turns to face the blond and blows up “Fine, you want me to peel it all off and show the beast inside?” His expression is tight, bordering on pain. His brows are pinched, his lips stiff, and Steve can see his metal hand curled in a fist. Bucky keeps rambling “ After you helped me and let me move in to the Tower, I thought that maybe I'll be able to become- well, not a good man 'cause I'll never be a good man, not after all the things I've done. But... A better man. I thought I could make amends for all my crimes. Thanks to you. Because you-Steve, you- you have no idea how good you are. I don't have all my memories, so of course I have forgotten some things about you from _before_ , but I haven't forgotten all of it and- and you, the you _now_ , you're the best person I've ever known. You're always so nice to everybody, and you want to help everybody, even a scum like me.”

 

Steve's heart starts beating faster, and he desperately wants to hush Bucky and hold him, reassure him, but the ex Winter Soldier doesn't let him and keeps going, breath growing more and more ragged. His brows furrow above his silver eyes. “I have these... I don't even know what they are, not dreams because sometimes they happen when I'm awake, and I don't know if they're memories or fantasies or- I don't know. And in them... I fuck you, Steve. I want to taint you in the most filthy way, when you're the best fucking thing that’s happened to me!” Bucky chokes a bit at that last part, but doesn't stop “After a while I realized that maybe it wasn't just my imagination, maybe it has happened and... That's even worse.”

 

That unsettles Steve.  _Wait, what?_ The cold assumption that his best friend regrets their moment of intimacy slowly creeps into his guts. But at the same time, he considered Steve as a good - the best -  thing?... The blond is confused. “What do you mean, Buck? You're... not being very clear.”

 

“For Christ's sake, Rogers ! I fucking abused you ! I manipulated you to get in your pants ! I knew you loved someone else, the dame with the bright red lips, and I still...” The admission seems to be the last thing it takes to make Bucky deflate. There are ghost of tears in his eyes, ready to spill.

 

And then Steve understands.

 

“Oh Buck...”

 

“So you see? You understand now? I thought maybe they were just twisted fantasies that I could restrain, even if I had to pull away from you. But you’ve just confirmed that it's too late. I... I was already fucked up back then. Maybe I've always been.”

 

“Bucky, can you please shut up and listen to me for two seconds?” Steve takes the other man's face in his palms, locking eyes with him “ We didn't talk about it, neither did we date after, because we didn't have the time to. You fell the following day. But we did sort our heads out and admitted we needed to clear things up.”

 

Bucky's eyes widen, but he shakes his head nevertheless “No, you-you don't want to hurt me. You're too nice, you don't want me to feel guilty, and you don't realise-”

 

That deeply annoys Steve, who tightens his grip on the former Sergeant “ Listen, I've had my fair share of being taken advantage of, so I know when that happens. I wanted to have sex with you, you didn't coerce me. You did freak out kind of like you’re doing it now, and we’ve already had that conversation.” The blond stops, sighs and softens his touch “But I promise you: I gave you my consent. I was already figuring out I was in love with you. I just... didn't want to burden you with something you might not even remember.”

 

Bucky’s eyes snap back to the Captain's face, leaving the floor he'd been observing so intensely during the blond's monologue “Wha- you loved me? But... the dame-”

 

“Peggy” Steve notifies “Yes, I was attracted to her. But I was also attracted to you. Had been for quite a time, if I'm being honest. But in the forties... I kept brushing it off, I guess. I didn't want to bring you any trouble, I wasn't even supposed to live past twenty-seven years. But the lesson happened, then the war and the serum, and that changed everything. I wasn't sure I was in love with you, the night we made love” he admits “But I've had a long time to think about it when I woke up. I couldn't deny it anymore when I was mourning you. Guess I only realised how much I had when I lost it.”

 

“Yeah, and instead of the guy you've known your whole life, you got a brainwashed serial killer. I'm not good enough, Steve, I'll taint you-”

 

“Stop treating me like a child and let me make my own decisions!” Steve feels anger and frustration starting to pump in his veins

 

“You don't get it Rogers, the things I want to do to you-”

 

“Then we'll talk about it like fucking grown-ups ! If you want to try something we discuss it beforehand, and if I feel uncomfortable with it, I'll let you know.” Steve stops and moves his face away the slightest bit “ That is, if you want us to try something together. You don't have to if you don't love me, of course. You don't owe me anything, you're - you're free, Buck. But if that's something you want... I want it, too.”

 

Bucky bites his lips “Of course I love you, how could I not? And it's because I love you that I want to protect you. I can't trust myself.”

 

“Then trust me to trust you.”

 

“You're an obstinate little punk- I don't know how to do this. Not anymore. The only things I know are how to torture people and how to succeed in my missions.”

 

Steve's hand goes ever so carefully behind Bucky's head, caressing the soft line where skull meets neck “That's not true. You're not HYDRA's Asset anymore. You're you. You know how to make omelettes and how to fold your sweaters. You know how to get Tony's attention and when not to talk to Natasha. You know how to rewind a Disney movie so it plays the songs Clint hates a second time. You know how to make me smile and how to comfort me without words. You know  _me_  , Buck.”

 

The look Bucky casts at Steve is glassy, a bit lost, a bit fearful, a bit awed. Like he wants to believe but is afraid of suffering later. But then again, Bucky Barnes has known little except suffering these last decades. “Don't be such a sap, Rogers” he chokes hoarsely, before sighing and daring to brush at Steve's cheek with his flesh knuckles, the softest touch the blond has ever felt. Steve closes his eyes like a peaceful cat, and Bucky sighs “I'm in love with you, Steve. Of course I want to be with you. I want to wake up next to you and bring you breakfast in bed, I want to watch stupid movies with you while sharing a giant bowl of popcorn, I want to shower with you so we can wash each other’s hair, I want to tease you about how easily you blush, I want to see you wearing my sweaters, I want to hold your hand and I want to make love to you.”

 

And Steve is so on board with that, but Bucky carries on, with the still-lingering sadness in his voice “But I can't. I don't want to hurt you in any way, and I would end up doing it. I don't know how to do this, not anymore. I don't know how to make you happy.”

 

“You already do, Buck, and you’d make me even happier if you stopped being a stupid jerk.”

 

“I don't know how to be in a relationship.”

 

“Great, neither do I.” At the surprised look on Bucky's face, Steve explains “After the serum and even after waking up... I've never been in a relationship. That goes for sex, too: you are my first and my only one.”

 

“I don't know how to treat you right ! That goes for in bed, too ! Sometimes, I want to handcuff you to one of Stark's ergonomic chairs, bend you over and have my way with you until you're begging me to let you come !”

 

Steve can feel the blush rising from his collar to the tip of his ears. The other thing rising is his dick, which gives an interested twitch. That Bucky seems to notice, too. The brown haired man stares, astounded “You... You're not repulsed by it.”

 

“Quite the contrary, yeah” Steve chuckles nervously “We still would have to talk before doing anything like that but... That's definitively on the table.”

 

“But if it's something left by HYDRA that lingers-”

 

“Bucky, we can't know, and honestly, why would we care ? So what if we're a little kinky in the bedroom ? That's nobody’s business, but ours, as long as we're both consenting. And I am very, very much consenting to it. Later.”

 

“You're turned on by the idea of me dominating you.” Bucky repeats, still stunned

 

Steve turns redder “You finished processing or what?” he grumbles

 

But Bucky goes back to bitter hesitance “Steve, I'm not good enough. I don't know how to woo or flirt or anything related to that. The charming Bucky you knew, I... I don't know if he'll ever come back.”

 

Steve can't stand listening the man he loves depreciating and doubting himself so much. So he brings their mouths together, shyly at first, just a soothing press of lips, then parts his lips to let his warm, humid breath tickle Bucky's flesh. He gently pulls the former Sergeant's lower lip between his, brushes at it with the tip of his tongue in a silent request.

 

He can feel that this is the turning point, where Bucky will either finally give in or walk away and never speak about it again.

 

After a heartbeat of eternity, Bucky closes his eyes, lets his hand slide to the blond's neck, and kisses him back. Steve's heart flutters happily and he moans into the kiss, making Bucky rumble. Bucky, who kisses him in such a tender yet eager way, all greed - restrained and still possessive. Like a thirsty man in the desert trying to refrain from gulping water too quickly.

 

When they pull apart, they are both a bit breathless, Steve notices his lover - his  _lover_  - 's left arm dangling clumsily at his side. The blond realises fast enough that Bucky doesn't want to touch him with it. So the Captain takes the metal hand gently in his and places it on his own hip. “Then don't” he says “I don't need to be wooed, or charmed or any crap like that. I want you, just you. That means the actual you and I don't care if you're a bit different than before. We both are.” Then an idea flashes in the blond's head, and he suggests sheepishly “Or, if you want... I could return the favour. You taught me how to seduce, seems fair that I give you a lesson, now that you feel you need it.” His gaze suddenly becomes serious “If you don't want to, we don't have to do anything. Not now, not until you feel ready.”

 

Bucky rolls his eyes at that “Stop talking to me like I'm some blushing virgin” he groans, before adding “I'm just... not used to it anymore.”

 

Steve nods “We'll take it slow, okay? Nothing too intense or too kinky for now.”

 

Bucky smirks “Yeah, sorry to leave your fantasy of being tied up for another time. I'll make it up to you, promise. Seriously, though... I'm worried about hurting you, I don't know if I'll be able to get it up if my brain keeps rambling about a possible danger to you.”

 

Steve smiles and kisses his nose “That's sweet. A bit restrictive, but sweet.” He hums a minute before suggesting “What if I rode you? Would it be enough of a reassurance?”

 

Bucky cocks an eyebrow “Strange way to go slow, Rogers... I'm not sure about full sex, right now.”

 

Steve retorts “You know I can take it. We’ve already done it.”

 

“Yeah but that was before I got all pumped full of shit and before my training to become the perfect killing machine.”

 

Steve sighs “Okay then, no penetrative sex, just... don't talk about yourself like that, please. You're not a killing machine. You're a human being, a beautiful one at that, and for what it's worth, my boyfriend. So. No insults, please.”

 

Bucky's eyes snap back to Steve's, and if at first the blond thought it was in anger, he quickly recognises surprise blended with desire. Knowingly, Steve lets his tongue sweep over his bottom lip oh so slowly, drawing his lover's gaze to it “Actually... How about I get my mouth on you?” Steve offers, all Boy Scout. He could have said, How about I sell you some cookies, Mister? in the same polite, offering tone, just that tad bit hopeful.

 

Bucky gulps, his throat suddenly dry “Yeah... Yeah, okay. But if at any moment it gets too much-”

 

“I'll let you know, yes. Now... just let me make you feel good. Please?” the blond asks with another rapid kiss on the lips. Bucky exhales and nods, before stealing the blond's mouth once again.

 

It's tender, almost reverent, the way Bucky strokes his lover's jaw, the way he presses at his lips and licks inside. Steve is melting, his heart is soaring and exploding in thousands of shooting stars. Because for the first time since his awakening, he feels  _home_. he feels like finally, he truly belongs.

 

He can feel the other man’s shaking breath, prompting him to check “Doing okay?”

 

Bucky looks at him through hazy eyes and smiles “Yeah, it's-it's great. You're great. I... I love you.”

 

Steve stutters on his breath and dives in for another kiss “I love you, too... I love you” he whispers between presses of their lips. He kisses the brunet's mouth, his cheek, the sharp line of his jaw, the column of his throat, alternating between barely-there touches and open mouthed, wet ones. His palms slide along his lover's ribs, down to his hips. He kindly traces the patch of skin peeking out between Bucky's jeans and shirt. “Can I?” the Avenger whispers, face still close to his best friend's. Bucky chokes out a throaty “Yeah”

 

Steve sinks to his knees and without tearing his gaze off his lover's, he unbuttons the denim. He gently thumbs at the light patch of brown hair revealed, and presses a kiss on the skin there before unzipping the fly.

 

He can feel Bucky restraining himself, so he murmurs “Touch me... I want you to... Please... You know you can... I trust you...”

 

Hesitantly, like he's afraid of burning the man he loves, Bucky lets his right hand rest in the blond locks. He doesn't pull on them, but, like after a second thought, he tangles them softly between his fingers, brushing some strands off of his lover's face.

 

Steve looks at him encouragingly, nuzzles closer to the other man's crotch, and, eyes still locked with his, pulls his jeans and briefs down mid thigh. Bucky is not quite hard, but he's chubbing up. Steve asks, soft as ever “Can I touch you?”

 

Bucky nods. He gives a full body twitch when the blond’s warm palm grabs his cock and lightly squeezes. Steve's hand feels good, in a way that Bucky hasn't known in a long time. Like sparkles of fire licking under his skin. And... he knows he's safe. He knows he's allowed to feel pleasure, that he won't suddenly be in pain. He trusts Steve. Gradually, he relaxes. He stays cautious as ever, not trusting himself with his left arm, but he allows his fingers to gently keep stroking.

 

The flesh of Bucky's cock is hot in Steve's grip. The blond licks his palm and slides it up and down, tight enough to be pleasurable but not enough to hurt. He goes gradually, from root to tip, twisting his thumb on the crown which grows wetter with every pass. He varies the rhythm, sometimes teasingly slowing it. With the side of his forefinger, he traces the thick vein underneath, up to the damp slit on the head. The precome there leaks steadily now, thick and pearl-like.

                                          

Steve's hands wander a bit lower, to the heavy balls. His touch is light there; he doesn't know what exactly Bucky likes in the bedroom, so he sticks to what he likes to do on his lonely nights and pays attention to his lover's reactions.

 

A bead of white liquid falls on Steve's thigh. Bucky is fully hard now, breathing a little shallow. Steve goes back to languidly jerking the other man's dick, once, twice, then sticks the tip of his tongue out to collect the precome gathering on the tip. Bucky muffles a curse and refrains from bucking into the touch. Steve's left hand, the one that is not masturbating him, is clasped on the other man's hipbone and draws soothing circles on it.

 

“Stevie...” Steve starts licking gradually higher with delicate sweeps of his tongue. The skin and the fluid are salty, a bit musky on his taste buds. But there's something so undeniably Bucky underneath that makes Steve moan and go back for more. “Stevie... you're so eager, you look so good...” That spurs the blond who parts his lips to take the purple crown. He sucks on it gently, laves his tongue over the head.

 

Words start spilling out of Bucky's mouth “Shit Stevie, fuck, feel so good, so pretty...” One word in particular suddenly flashes in the brunet's head, and with it more images and sensations. Bucky lets it roll from his tongue “Babydoll...”

 

Steve moans at that, the sound vibrating around Bucky's flesh. Bucky can't help but snap his hips a bit, thrusting deeper into his lover's wet mouth. He apologizes immediately, retreating “Shit ! Sorry, sorry- You okay?”

 

Steve shakes his head “Don't worry, I'm fine, I'm fine - and you, is it good for you?”

 

Bucky strokes the blond’s plush, red bottom lip with his thumb “Yeah it's-it's amazing, babydoll.” Steve whines at that, and Bucky chuckles “You like it when I call you that?”

 

The blond nods and, tightening his grip on his best friend's cock, he strokes it once, twice, and kisses the nest of dark curls “You can move more, Buck. And you can use your left hand.”

 

Bucky's forehead creases in worry “Steve...”

 

“Trust me” the Captain says, guiding the dick back between his lips. This time, he takes a bit more, swirls his tongue around. He keeps taking more, to the point that most of Bucky's cock is in his mouth. The long-haired man gasps in pleasure, but starts trying to ease Steve off “Wait, that can't be comfortable, you're-” Steve hums around him, a way to make him understand he's fine. The vibrations tease a growl out of the brunet.

 

Steve starts bobbing his head up and down, sucking softly, applying pressure. Bucky moans, combs his fingers through the strands of hair but lets Steve set the rhythm. Steve makes a noise of encouragement. Hesitantly, the former sergeant brings his metal hand closer, and finally, lets it rest lightly on the top of the blond head. “Babydoll, so-so good, I love you, love you so much, fuck-fuck Stevie-”

 

The Captain doubles his efforts until he has his lover's entire dick in his mouth. He doesn't gag on it - maybe a side effect of the serum, but that's for the better, because he senses Bucky would have stopped immediately at the first choking sound. He works his throat around the hard, throbbing flesh and gently fondles his balls. Bucky's quivering, Steve can feel the other man's hips twitching, probably restraining himself from fucking his mouth. “Babydoll, oh fuck- you fucking saved me, you make me feel like I'm finally breathing, make me feel like I'm-like I'm human, you make me hope Stevie, you're the incarnation of hope, Stevie, Babydoll-”

 

Steve peers up at him through long eyelashes and fuck, Bucky is so beautiful. “ 'm gonna come, Steve, fuck, Babydoll” The brunet says in a rush , and he starts to draw back, not wanting to make Steve swallow, but the blond hums, tightens his grip on Bucky's hip and closes his eyes. His attitude, so fucking peaceful, screams his trust, his permission - all of it,  _to Bucky_  .

 

And that's all it takes.

 

Bucky comes shouting a distorted version of Steve's name. The blond swallows all of his hot release, just a bit surprised at the first warm shot. He waits for Bucky to finish and after that, he retreats a bit so he can still suck on the tip of his lover's dick for a moment.

 

Bucky lets out a shuddering sigh and helps his lover stand up before kissing him with all he has. There's still the flavour of his come on Steve's tongue, and fuck Bucky finds it hot. “ You okay?” he asks “ Your knees don't ache?”

 

Steve laughs “I'm more than okay, Buck. I'm really good.”

 

Bucky eyes widen “ Wait, that must be painful...” he says, going for his lover's pants. And he's blown away - there's no other word - when he only finds a damp spot.

 

Slowly, he stares back into Steve's eyes. “You...”

 

The little punk dares to look sheepish. “ You're really hot when you come. I... got a bit carried away?”

 

And fuck.  _Steve. Came. Just. By. Sucking. Him._

 

If it wasn't already the case before, Bucky officially wants to marry this man “ I don't deserve you. You should be illegal.”

 

Steve chuckles, and that makes the long haired man smile. They rest their foreheads against each other's, and Bucky dives in for a peck “God I love you...”

 

Something warm curls in Steve's chest “ I love you so much... And I don't care if I have to burn the world down for you, I'll never let anyone hurt you again...”

 

Bucky's heart clenches “I want to protect you, Steve... You're- you're my fucking universe, you know? The one who stood up for me, the one who believed in me, the one who helped me and brought me back to life...”

 

Steve pulls him into a tight hug “Hey, an eye for an eye. You stood up for me, you believed in me, you helped me and you literally brought me back to life when I was just a sick and scrawny boy from Brooklyn.” he mutters in his lover's collarbone.

 

Bucky wraps his arms low around Steve's waist and closes his eyes.

 

The nightmares, the doubt, the government, they can all come. He's ready now. He can make it.

 

 _They_ can make it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter ! It was a nice change to not end full-angst on XD Once again, thank a lot to all of you who read, commented, and left kudos on this fic. I wouldn't have make it without all of you <3 And if you ahve ideas/kinks you'd like to see in the final chapter, plese let me know in comments, I'll try to ad them !
> 
> I am now on Tumblr, come say hi ! https://aliceinmarveland.tumblr.com/


	4. Refresher lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Bucky lets their foreheads rest against each other and looks at baby blues with a grin “ Hey babe.”  
> Steve can't help but smile back “Hey yourself... I guess it's your way to say you're happy to see me?”  
> Bucky grimaces “ We gotta find a way for me to sneak in next time Fury send you on a mission for three weeks. ”  
> Steve laughs “I'm not sure you're flexible enough to fit inside my bag. You'd come out all sore and cranky.”  
> At that, Bucky's grin turns coy, and he lets his hands slide on Steve's hips “Mh, I know I'm not as flexible as you, doll. You bend so prettily for me: face first against the counter with your back so beautifully arched just fort me, or on your back with your knees up against your fucking tits-”  
> “Buck” Steve chokes on air  
> Bucky's glaze clouds in desire “I thought you'd want to rest a bit, but it looks like there' another need bothering you... You want to play, babydoll?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, guys ! This one is really kinky, with no plot whatsoever. But hey, what's the best way to end a work than to make our love birds bang just because they can? 
> 
> This one is a dedicated at Shinigami24 *hugs* I hope you'll like it !
> 
> Also, I'm taking prompts, smutty or not ! I do mostly Stucky, but if there's another ship you like, feel free to ask ! So if you're interested, ask me on tumblr at https://aliceinmarveland.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thank you to all of you whom have followed this story. I hoped you'll enjoy !
> 
> EDIT: Once again, a massive thank you to kinkajou for making it readable !

**May, 2016**

  
  


Steve lets his bag drop on the floor with a soft thud. As if alerted by the minimal sound, Bucky rushes from the living room to pull him in a hug.

Steve would tease him for it if he wasn’t himself clenching the other man just as tight. He inhales Bucky's smell, the mix of cologne, copper, and musk he loves so much. That alone is enough to makes him shiver with desire, like some perverted Pavlovian reflex. And Steve doesn’t even care.

Mismatched hands, one cool and the other warm, frame the blond's face to pull him in a ravenous yet tender kiss. Steve's moan dies on his tongue, swallowed by Bucky's mouth. The kiss is all greedy tongues and sliding lips that stroke, tease and pull. Steve's cock is already twitching in his pants.

  
  


_Christ it's good to be home..._

  
  


Finally, Bucky pulls away, just enough to let his breath hit his lover's wet, tantalising mouth. He lets their foreheads rest against each other and looks at baby blues with a grin “ Hey babe.”

Steve can't help but smile back “Hey yourself... I guess it's your way to say you're happy to see me?”

Bucky grimaces “ We gotta find a way for me to sneak in next time Fury send you on a mission for three weeks. ”

Steve laughs “I'm not sure you're flexible enough to fit inside my bag. You'd come out all sore and cranky.”

At that, Bucky's grin turns coy, and he lets his hands slide on Steve's hips, to the frontier of his jeans “Mh, I know I'm not as flexible as you, doll. You bend so prettily for me: face first against the counter with your back so beautifully arched just fort me, or on your back with your knees up against your fucking tits-”

“Buck” Steve chokes on air

  
  


Truth is, it haven't been simple to achieve this easiness in intimacy. During long weeks after they started dating, Bucky had been very cautious with everything remotely sexual, from actual love making to simple pecks. He had hold back, not trusting himself and afraid of hurting Steve. Afraid of asking too much. Because ever since he had come back to Steve and they had become a couple, Bucky had had strange urges.

For example, he was possessive of Steve, more than he used to in the 40s. It took him a long time to stop glaring at Sam or Tony when they would throw an arm around the blond's shoulders, or make a joke_ the last was essentially Tony who delighted in the scowl the brunet made every time Stark called Steve his own “American Beauty”. Bucky may or may not have thrown a knife once, but hey, he's a pro, he knows exactly how to not cause any harm. Just a little graze on top of Tony's ear, he swears.

Also, and Steve discovered that much later, Bucky had craved something other than their sweet, vanilla love-making. Which was fine because Steve really wanted to try other things_ kinky fantasies he had had for a long time_ but his boyfriend didn't want to indulge. At first, Steve had thought it was because he didn't want it, maybe it remained him of bad memories. Bucky had taken him off while replying “It's not that I don't want it, Steve, it's that I want it too much.” It took Steve weeks of negotiating, arguing, pleading even, before Bucky reluctantly agreed. 

That also had been one of the best decision they ever made.

After their first scene, Bucky had understood that as long as they were both consenting and discussing it, with established limits and safewords, they were free to do whatever the hell they wanted in bed. They both knew how to be careful without breaking the mood, they trusted each other and wanted to give the other as much pleasure as possible: safe, sane and consensual. Besides, it's not as if he imposed anything to the blond: Steve naturally preferred to be dominated in bed, to take a break from all the responsibilities on his shoulders. To have someone taking care of him, someone that would know him well enough to understand when to push and when to stop, and James Buchanan Barnes was just the man whom knows him best in the whole universe.

  
  


During the three weeks they've been apart, both super soldiers had felt the boiling need of this growing stronger and stronger, along with other intimates craving_ like just waking up together again. They had missed each other like crazy. They couldn't call much because _secret missions_ and all that crap, which made things even worse.

“I missed you” Steve mutters between little kisses on his boyfriend's jawline “You have no idea... I couldn't sleep well because when I tried, I didn't felt your arm around me and it felt... unnatural, almost wrong.”

Bucky cups his face with his flesh palm and strokes his cheek. Steve half-closes his eyes and presses in the touch, like an happy cat. He nuzzles a bit, until he can take the brunet's pinky between his parted lips and starts licking softly at it. Bucky's glaze clouds in desire “I thought you'd want to rest a bit, but it looks like there' another need bothering you... You want to play, babydoll?”

Steve's breath catches in his lungs_ Bucky's starting to speak with this soft-thick-sweet voice, like caramel overflowing from his lips. The one he uses when he's going to talk low and dirty and just that tad bit of embarrassing, that Steve knows he' gonna flush under his collar. It drives him madly wanton, and the jerk knows it. As a revenge, he swirls his tongue on the pad of the finger in his mouth and grazes his teeth against it.

Bucky's cock twitch in interest “Yeah, you do” he murmurs before removing his wet pinky, and he traces Steve's plush lips with his thumb “And guess what? I have spent all my time alone thinking about what I could do to you. You're in for a ride, doll. That what you want ?”

Steve whines around his flesh “Please.”

“Ah ah” Bucky withdraws his finger, making his lover chase it with an unhappy sound “You know better, sweetheart. I'll let this one slip because you had to focus on the SHIELD's mission for a long while and you must be at least a little tired. So, what do you say?”

Steve's eyes widen, and warmth pools in his lower half “Please, Sir. And sorry, Sir.”

Bucky smiles and lets his thumb rest anew on Steve's awaiting lips. The blond licks it once in gratitude.

“Good. See? You're still so good, you just had to remember.” Bucky steps back and takes Steve's hand, leading him in their shared bedroom “Take off your shoes and your socks. Now your shirt. Slowly” he adds “I haven't seen my gorgeous boyfriend in three weeks, I want to take my time. Put on a show for me.”

  
  


And so Steve does. Crossing his arms to grip his shirt, tugging the material oh-so-slowly, letting it brush softly against his creamy skin to make goosebumps appear in the way, turning around to show the rolling muscles in his back and arms and peaking at Bucky over his shoulder, with all the innocence he can manage in his lust-clouded mind. He knows it turns Bucky on when he does this, the “innocent-but-daring-schoolboy-begging-to-be-corrupted” look, like Bucky calls it.

Bucky curses and strokes his own cock once, over his jeans that are now slightly tented “Fuck, you're gorgeous babydoll...” He steps, turns his lover to face him and lets his right hand wander on the soft and firm topography of Steve's torso. Steve sighs and lets his shirt fall on the floor, not caring the least about it.

A silver finger tugs on one of his belt loops, bringing their crotches closer. It's just a light scrape with the barrier of their pants, but it's enough to make them gasp. Steve wants Bucky and Bucky wants Steve, and now that they are finally be able to touch like they wanted to for so long, a desperate yet delicious edge bubbles into their anticipation.

Bucky slowly removes Steve's belt but keeps the smooth leather in his grip “Turn around.” Steve complies, and without being asked, he clasps his fingers so his lover can tied his hands together. Bucky purrs “Good boy” and secures Steve's hands behind his back.

Steve swallow, feeling his cheeks growing red. There's something deliciously humiliating in the fact of being tied with his own belt. Bucky, wonderful as ever, must understand because he whispers in his ear “Tomorrow, when you'll wear it, you'll remember me and what I did to you. You'll remember in the kitchen when you'll say hi to the rest of the team, you'll remember when you'll go outside for a run... You'll remember and you'll like it, like the beautiful, kinky little punk you are.” His lips brush Steve's ear, and then his teeth are on his earlobe, worrying it gently. “To think they all believe you're a pure, innocent little thing... When you love so much being dirty for me” he rumbles.

Steve whimpers and thrusts his back against Bucky's dick, seeking friction with his ass “Yeah, I love that...” he says in a strangled voice.

Bucky smirks and pulls on his lobe “ I know.”

“Great, now that we both acknowledge it can you please touch me?” Steve sasses, wanting more so much that it hurts.

Bucky's laugh is warm and sincere “Don't start with me, Rogers, or I'll punish you and you won't like it.” He delivers a quick slap on the blond's perfect bottom, eliciting a gasp. “ 'Cause I still can make you wait for it. I can puts a cock ring on you, put you on the bed under me, jerk off, come all over yourself and send you to bed without touching you.”

Steve's eyes widen in fear “ No no, please Bu-Sir. It's just been so long...”

Another affectionate laugh to reassure him “Just teasing, sweetheart” the brunet says “It's been too long for me, too.”

He looks back at Steve's hands thoughtfully “Actually... I have a better idea.” As he goes to unfasten the belt, Steve can't help but look disappointed. Bucky spots his frown and smirks “Don't worry, babydoll. I want you lying on your back and I don't want to hurt you with the pressure. I'm just gonna tie them in front on you.”

After he's finished, Bucky guides Steve to the bed and pushes him gently on it. Then he rises up and pulls his clothes off. Steve can admire his lover's bulge in its red boxer for about twenty seconds before Bucky takes them off as well. “Keep your hands on your chest” he orders before climbing back on the bed. He strokes tenderly Steve's cheek. “I'm going to prep you while you suck me. Sounds good to you?”

Steve whimpers and his cock bounces happily “Yes! Please Sir.”

Bucky kisses him rapidly on the mouth, more frustrating than calming “If at any moment you want to stop, snap your fingers.” and fetch the bottle of lube.

Steve fights the urge to roll his eyes_ he still remember their code to stop if his mouth is full, thank you very much. But his annoyance is light and fond. He finds Bucky's thoughtfulness both adorable and honourable: he trusts him with his life, wether it's in the battlefield or the bedroom.

Bucky turns around, framing Steve's shoulders with his parted knees, and slowly peels off Steve's underwear. The blond's cock bobs free, almost smacking Bucky's face. The brunet wraps his right hand around it and stroke, from base to tip. The head is already leaking like a faucet, but that's not what he's after. He lets his fingers trail on Steve's smooth balls, makes a brief stop to push on his perineum_ and Steve cries at that, so sensitive_ to finally reach his pucker entrance. The dusty pink hole spasms under his touch, like it, too, is begging. Bucky's thumb applies pressure, but not enough to breach.

Under him, Steve starts to moan “C'mon, get on with it, please-” It earns him a slap_ not very hard because of the weird angle, but a warning non the less.

“Shouldn't your mouth be full, now?” Bucky tsk “Or are you consciously not obeying me?”

“I'm sorry, Sir... But you didn't say I could start sucking you.” That is so not the reason why he's not blowing Bucky, and Bucky knows it.

But the brunet still barks a laugh “Nice one, babydoll.” He even kisses his lover's angry cock “Such a smart boy, aren't you? Well, if you're being so polite... You may suck me.”

Blowing Bucky is no constraint_ Steve loves to do it and already came just by it. So he cradles his neck and starts to gradually lick his lover's gorgeous cock.

Bucky groans “Oh yeah, keep going...” Steve hears him open the lube's cap and squeeze a good amount of jelly-like liquid on his fingers. He would like to know which hand Bucky is going to use, but can't really see with his lover's body blocking his view. He starts to suckle on Bucky's head, already wet and salty. His tongue teases the slit, earning more precome. He hears Bucky curse.

Suddenly, a cool and smooth fingertip presses inside_ _the metal one, then_. Steve arches and feels his own cock leak even more. There's something incredibly kinky in having his boyfriend's metal fingers_ _so deft and strong, going from tender to deadly_ _ in his ass. He whimpers around Bucky's dick and takes him deeper.

He's incredibly tight, a vice-like grip around Bucky's sensors_ God bless modern technology. Steve is always virgin tight, thanks to the serum, but Bucky feels like he's even tighter. Maybe because they've been apart so long. “You're squeezing me, Stevie... You didn't touch yourself while I was away?” Bucky asks, dumbfounded, and the thought is so hot he twitchs in Steve's perfect mouth.

Steve withdraws with a wet pop “I did, but I never went further than two fingers...”

“You didn't used the toys?”

The blonds feels himself flushing “Not as good as you” he mutters

Bucky's in awe. “How are you eve real?” He shoves another finger and stretches Steve briefly, then goes for the blond's prostate. With sniper's precision, he founds it and rubs on it.

Steve jerks and Bucky's cock falls from his lips “Ah! Oh B-S-Sir...”

Bucky kisses on his lover's hipbone “So sensitive, aren't you, Stevie?” He taps on Steve's sweet spot, and every times he's rewarded by a beautiful choked noise. “And guess what? We're only starting.”

Abruptly, he stops and gets off of the bed. Steve whines at the loss in both his mouth and ass. He tries to rise by supporting himself on his elbow but Bucky tuts “No no, babydoll. I didn't say you could do that. And since you want to be so polite, you'll have to wait my permission for everything tonight.”

“But Sir...!”

“Do you want me to get the crop, baby?”

Steve shuts his mouth and goes back to lay, not without sending Bucky his best kicked-puppy eyes.

“Aw, don't make that face now, sugar. I promise I'll make you feel good.”

Steve can't see Bucky nor what he's doing, and he can't say it's not exciting_ not knowing what his Dom will do next. He ears a closet being opened and he'll bet it's the one for their toys.

Oh God, yes please.

Soon enough, Bucky is back, sitting on the bed near Steve's hips, and he's hiding something behind his back “You've been really good, not even trying to peek me.” Steve lets a low whimper, loving the praise. “So keep being a good boy and don't come until I tell you.”

Steve barely have the time to process when he feels a round, smooth little something being shoved in him. Then another, and another, bigger, and _another_ -

Four of the six glass anal beads are inside him, making him full without being enough. He fidgets like a possessed man_ By not pushing the last beads inside, Bucky makes the other barely graze his prostate. It just taunts him like Bucky knew it would, the bastard. Steve tries to shove himself on it, desperate for friction, seeking the pleasure. But a strong hand still him “What did I said? I'm starting to think you really want to be punished.”

“Please Sir, please, please, I want- another, please, give me another !”

“Hmmm...” He hears Bucky hums, falsely thinking about it. Then a nudge forces the fifth bead, angled just right and pressing the others against Steve's prostate. The blond arches his back and moans. Bucky chuckles, feral and teasing “Like that?”

“Yes! Oh Sir, damn, please, please..”

Then the pressing stops and the brunet plucks on the one bead outside of Steve to pull another one out, withdrawing the few precious millimetres that drove Steve mad. The sub shakes with need and cries “Sir, please! Please!” He wants to grip the sheets so bad his knuckles whiten.

Bucky seems to see that because he removes completely the toy, making Steve whine at the loss “Sh, it's just to replace your ties. I don't want you to break such a nice belt.” He goes back to the closet and comes back with enforced Asgardian ropes. Steve's free for one second, the time to be bound again. Bucky moves back to admire his handiwork, and thumbs at Steve's joined wrists “There. And still so pretty for me...”.

“Buck...Sir...”

Bucky fits four beads inside and places the fifth one halfway inside, taunting his lover. Steve sobs and arches, needing more. The Dom's metal pointer traces teasingly around the glass stretching Steve's quivering rim “You know what? I'll give you an orgasm for each week who stood apart, to rebalance things. So here's what we're going to do for this one: I'll give you what you want (he presses a bit and Steve cries again in frustration) but you'll have to talk to me all the while and tell me something I like. If you don't, I stop and take the bead off. Come on babydoll. ”

Steve refrains from undulating back on the toy “ I-thank you, Sir-I want you so bad. I touched myself thinking about you, what you'd tell me, what you'd do to me. I had to shove my fist in my mouth because the walls in the rooms's base were thins and Sam and Nat could have heard me moaning your name, whining for you-”

The pressure is back, delicious and perfect, until the tantalising pearl pops fully inside and Steve wails “It reminded me of our first time, in the tent, with all the other soldiers outside but I didn't care because you made me feel so good, you always do, Sir !”

While Bucky's left hand is still pressing on the toy_ pushing and pulling on the remaining bead to make the others dab on Steve's sweet spot_ his right hand slides on the blond's thigh, creeps on his hipbone and curls around his thick cock. Steve, not prepared for the contact, jerks and thrust up “AH!”

“Keep going babydoll, or I'll stop helping your little friend here” Bucky says while taping on the blond's stretched entrance

Steve fight to stay intelligible “ _Ah, ah, ah_ \- You have no ideas how much I missed you, your voice, your smile, your presence, _ah, yes !_ your-your kindness, your b-body, your cock, _fuck, Sir!_ Everything from the way you drink milk from the carton to the way you take care of me _uh, uh, uh,_ oh please Sir, please, I want to come, please let me come, _uh, uh, ah_ , oh I love you, love you so much, Sir, Buck, I'm yours, I belong to you, I'm your slave, your slut, yours, I'm yours!”

“Come for me, babydoll.”

  
  


The pleasure has been building so intensely, the drumming on his prostate speeding to damn near unstopping, the grip on his dick taking him higher and higher and suddenly, the sixth bead is shoved inside him, adding pressure on his prostate. All he needs is Bucky permission, and now that it's granted, Steve comes with a cry in long white rivulets decorating his abs. He sags with a sigh.

Bucky carefully removes the glass toy. He lets it drop on the floor and crawls on Steve to press a kiss on his forehead, then on his offered lips “You did so good.”

Steve's eyes are closed but he smiles. This orgasm is the best he's had in three weeks and it leaves him a bit wobbly. “Thank you, Sir.”

Bucky chuckles “ My pleasure. Do you want to call it a night?”

Steve vehemently shakes his head: Bucky' still hard, and he can go again “Nah, I'm good to keep going. Also, didn't you promised me an orgasm per week?”

Bucky laughs at that “Alright then.”

  
  


He helps Steve to sit up, then unfolds his restrained wrists “Hands at your back, please.” He ties Steve's elbows close together to make him push his chest out. When he's finished, he lets his metal hand trail on the smooth skin of his Sub's pecs. Steve's nipples pebble in interest.

Steve whimpers. His pecs are ridiculously sensitive, especially his nipples. He knows Bucky knows it and loves it. So Steve is sure as hell his lover is going to focus on them.

Indeed, Bucky's left fingers start to gently tweak the blond's right nub “Yeah, there are these beautiful tits.”

Steve goes red “Aren't tits.”

Bucky chuckles “ Really now? Then why does it gets you so hot when I do  _ t _ _his_ ?” 

He surges forward, closes his lips around the neglected one and sucks hard, clamping his teeth around the areola. He pulls just a little, just enough to make the throbbing flesh stretch a bit from the blond's pec, then purses his lips while pulling the nub off of his mouth, like he's sensually kissing it goodbye. And the second after he's drawing back on it, latching on the bud to suck and lick and nibble.

Steve jerks and moans “Aaah, Sir, _mmmh_ -” Bucky rises his head, smirk twinkling with malice. His right hand comes to replace his mouth. It's like Steve's left nipple is pulsating in sympathy, or maybe in desire to be tormented too. Steve can't tell.

“See?” Bucky asks with his caramel-like voice “Pretty tits for me to play with and for you to enjoy.” He reaches for something next to him and fuck, how could Steve not have noticed the pair of nipple clamps? It's one of Bucky's favourite: simple with adjustable clamps that pinch just right, linked by a simple silver chain to increase the pain on request. The brunet lets it dangle teasingly in front of his lover's eyes “I'm sure you missed them. Did you play with your tits while you were away?”

Steve gulps “A few times. But it's not the same...”

Bucky nods, cooing “Aw, I can imagine, sweetheart.” He ducks his head to quickly lick the sensitive points and blow on them. The areolas tighten and the nubs prickle, and Steve throws his head back with a whine. His cock starts to grow hard again. 

He jostled in surprise when first one then the other nipple is clamped. Bucky tugs on the chain in the middle “ There you are, so pretty with your jewellery.” The words are deliciously humiliating and Steve jerks, pulling involuntary on the chain. He gasps a pained, shuddering moan “Ahaa...”

“Oh, Stevie.” And damn, Bucky's voice isn't just caramel-like anymore, it's even sweeter. And Bucky's voice is never sweeter than when he's about to be particularly sadistic “If you wanted that much to hurt yourself, you just had to ask.”

And just like that his flesh hand presses on the blond's chin to make him open his mouth, stuffs the chain inside and closes it around the silver piece.

Steve downright mewls in pleasure pain.

Like this, the chain is pulled taut, on the verge of being too short, pinching more, and every time his head jolts with the sharp little spurts of pain, it makes it even worse. A vicious circle.

“Look at you.”

There's a mirror on the wall facing him and even though Steve is too far away to see the precise details, he chokes on a gasp.

He looks so debauched.

Bucky goes behind him on the bed and wraps his arms around the blond's quivering shoulders “You're stunning babydoll. Feel how hard you makes me?”

At the firm press of Bucky's arousal against his back, another mewl tries to escape Steve's mouth. The only sound leaving him is a deformed  _Mcky!_

The brunet chuckles when he witnesses his lover's moan due to the vibrations of his voice reverberating on the chain_which torment his poor nubs even more.

Steve's eyelashes are wet_ he's not crying yet but tears are forming in his eyes. And now, his dick is definitively hard again. He tries to rub his ass against Bucky, both to spur him and to alleviate the pain of the brunet's erection, but his lover stops him by a vicious tug on the already taut chain “None of that, Steve. What did we say? You don't do anything until I give you permission. Did I gave you permission to rut against me?”

At that, Steve sees the trap: he can't answer vocally without dropping the chain, and if he shakes his head, it'll twist his already abused buds. So he tries to mumble  _Nnn_ , but Bucky smirks “What was that? I didn't catch it, babydoll.” 

God, Steve wants to bite him and kiss him at the same time. 

With an aborted sob, the blond shakes his head and  _fuck_ . 

The pain is even worse that what he thought. He yowls and the chain falls from his lips.

Bucky's hands gently stroke the quivering sub's arms Did I said you could drop the chain, sweetheart?” he asks with his sweeter-than-anything voice.

Steve just shakes his head “N-no...”

“Then you understand you have to be punished.” Steve whines, and his lover rotates his face so they look into each other's eyes “What's your colour?”

The chain is still lingering on his chest, his nipples keep shooting prickling pain even when he's not moving, he's sporting a ragging boner and his knees are turning jelly-like. “Green” he gasps “Please Sir. So green.”

Bucky smiles and cradles him into a tender kiss “Such a good boy” he praises. He hooks his metal pointer at the chain and tugs lightly, but it tears a shriek of Steve's mouth like he'd been electrocuted “Your punishment is to come without your pretty cock being touched and while I'll keep playing with your sore tits. If at any point it becomes too much, say the word.”

The mismatching hands spar the abused nubs for the moment and creep on the blond's firm yet supple pecs. Bucky feels the weight of them, their shape, without restraining his delight. “Look at these beauties” he croons, hot breath hitting Steve's cheek “ It's a miracle I leave them alone when they're constantly begging me to love on them.” He lets his hands go up in the centre, grazing under the chain “You even got a cleavage, Stevie. Fuck, you're so sexy. You've always been, but in different ways. Not that I complain, it gives me more of you to play with.” The teasing touch retreats, only for Bucky's finger to pluck at the clamps.

Steve groans a curse “F-Fuck!”

Bucky laughs, then trails pecks on the shell of his ear with little wet sounds. Steve shivers and more precome leaks from his dick. He can feel the peak of his nipples pulse.

The brunet keeps going “You've noticed how they bounce? Drives me mad every time we go running” A playful pointer circles one irritated areola, feels how swollen and hot the skin is there, before dancing on the thin rivulet of metal connecting the tortured buds. “And they're so, so sensitive. I love it. One day, I'll milk you dry just by toying with your fantastic tits.”

Steve's breath is erratic, he doesn't know if he wants to arch into or away from the constant touch on his pecs. It's like every press on it reverberate in his neglected cock. Fuck, he wants wants _wants_ Bucky to touch him there, but he knows his Dom will denies him. He still tries “Sir...” he begs miserably, trusting his hard sex into nothing.

It only earns him a sharp tug on the chain, pulling his perked nubs taut. “No Steve.” his lover says “Takes your punishment.”

Steve sobs.

Bucky starts randomly toying with the chain, sometimes pulling it up, sometimes pulling it down, sometimes winding it around his finger, sometimes drawing little eight figures with it. “ One day” he growls “One day, during a meeting with all the team, when you'll be sited at the end of the table where all of them can see you, I'll go behind you and I'll tore your shirt with my bare hands. I'll show them your perfect tits and I'll play with it until you come right in front of them.”

A finger presses at Steve's wet entrance

“And you'll let me do it because like you said, you're my little slut.”

The finger breaches inside him and Steve comes with a cry.

  
  


The orgasm is so strong that the blond sags; his Dom quickly catches him and kisses his temple, damp with sweat. “You're so good, Stevie”Bucky says while laying him on the soft mattress “I'm so proud of you, you took it like a champ. I'm gonna take the clamps off now, okay?”

Steve, laid on his back and weak as a fawn, nods with pleading eyes “Please, don't stop...”

Taking them off is a painful task, and Steve cries in agony when the blood rushes back at the abused buds. He's sure he'll have bruises, and he's also sure he'll get hard tomorrow when he'll see them all swollen and red and Bucky's handiwork.

The brunet kisses him tenderly on the forehead, then parts Steve's legs and sits between on his own knees “I'm going to fuck you now. You want that?”

Steve nods. As good as the previous orgasms had been, it's not totally satisfying, and won't be until he'll had Bucky inside of him “Please...”

  
  


Bucky coats generously his hard cock in lube. The sight of Steve, hair mussed up, hazy eyed, lips bitten red, pink to his chest and bruised nipples, makes him twitch painfully. He's been as cruel to himself that he'd been to Steve: all the time he riled his lover up, he denied himself. And Lord knows how much he wants Steve.

So he doesn't wait anymore. He brings one of the blond's leg to his shoulder and pushes forward.

At the first kiss of Bucky's cock on Steve's hole, both men moan. Slowly, the brunet penetrates his lover.

Steve gasps at the burn of the initial stretch. He missed it so much...

Above him, Bucky, gorgeous as ever with his face tight with bliss, his jaw slack and his hair falling on his face, curses “Fuck you're so tight... You're sucking me right in, babydoll...”

Steve huffs a snort “Must be 'cause I can't get enough of you.”

Bucky's laugh is breathless and finally, he stills inside Steve's body. The blond whimpers and wrap his legs around the other man's hips “Move...”

The Dom playfully pinches at his ass “What did we said about you waiting my permission? And you're not being very polite, doll. Didn't even said please.”

Steve starts to rock under him “Pretty fucking please, Sir.”

Bucky laughs “Well. If you asks so nicely.” before downright pistoning his hips.

Steve arches and cries on a choked sound “A-Ah! Fuck!” His breathing is panting now, erratic with pleasure. Bucky is deadly precise in his thrusting, pushing deep and hard and angled just right. Every movement sets a sparkle of pleasure zinging into the blond's body. He tightens his legs around his lover's hips, burying him more forward.

One of his Dom's hand flies at his weeping cock. It's drooling freely on his stomach, so much that he can feels it slide on the inside of his thighs. He wouldn't be surprised to find a puddle in his navel. As if reading his thoughts, right on cue, Bucky's other hand sweeps the precome on his skin and brings it to his mouth, tasting the blond. He clearly makes a show of it, licking and smacking his lips after “Tastes so good babydoll, and you're leaking so much- Fuck I can feel it drips on my crotch every time I dig in” His pace increases, hips smacking his lover's ass at every thrust.

Steve's eyes roll and he lets a string of soft _uh, uh, uh_. One of his hand flies at Bucky's neck, brings him down for a long, dirty kiss. The brunt's strokes on his cock speeds and, coupled with the assault on his sweet spot, Steve knows he's tipping on the edge.

Suddenly Bucky's mouth goes south and latch on a still oversensitive nipple while his thumb flicks on the slit of Steve's dick.

Steve comes for the third time with a yelp. White streaks paint his stomach so hard there's even one splattering an abused nub, making the blond whimper.

Bucky is not far behind. It's already a miracle he lasted this long, and the tight, rhythmic pulses of Steve's asshole around him knock him over the edge. He shouts his lover's name and comes inside, filling him deep.

  
  


The climax is so intense Bucky falls on Steve, not caring he's spreading the cooling mess on their chests. But at his Sub's pained squeak_ he bets even wearing a shirt tomorrow will be like sandpaper on his nips_ the brunet quickly rolls over next to him. He catches an abandoned boxer, wipes Steve then himself with it, then grabs a bottle of water. Helping Steve to sit, he brings the bottle to his lips. “Drinks” he says gently.

Steve's eyes are dazzled, pupils blown wide, face flushed an he's still quivering a bit. He downs the water in four long gulps “Thanks you” he murmurs, his voice a little hoarse.

Bucky kisses him, brief and tender, then grabs his softening cock “Bucky, what-”

“We're not finished.”

Steve's eyes go round. “But-But you said-”

Bucky smirk is sly and mischievous “I said one orgasm for each week we spent apart, to rebalance things. So now that we've catch things up, I'm gonna get you off once more to celebrate.”

At that, Steve cries “Buck, I can't, I can't it's- I came three times in a row, I can't-”

“What's your colour?”

Steve is trembling. “Green” he whispers

“Then you can make it.”

  
  


Bucky stands up, goes to the closet and when he comes back, Steve can't repress a sob in his throat. He knows very well the vibrating prostate stimulator his lover is smearing lube around, and he knows how intense it'll be. His Dom kisses his closed eyelids, wet with upcoming tears, then taps at the blonds thighs “Spread them for me.” With a choked cry, Steve does as he's asked. He knew he had missed being dominated and having kinky sex with Bucky but fuck. It was even better than what he'd fantasised.

Bucky thumbs at his lover's puckered, slightly red hole. It twitches under his touch. Reverently, he gives it a playful lick, before inserting the silicone toy in one long, even push, until its tapered end is snuggled between the blond's cheeks. The simple contact of the bulbous head against Steve's swollen prostate tears a wail out of him. Bucky chuckles and taps on the end of the vibrator, just to see his sweet boy wiggle. With the remote in hand, he lands on Steve to press a tender, loving kiss on his lips “I love you Stevie.” then bring the vibrator to life.

Steve's reaction is immediate. He cries and squirms, bangs his head on the pillow and grits his teeth “F-Fuck ! I can't ! Sir, I- I can't, too much...”

Bucky knows if Steve was one hundred per cent sure it was too much, in the bad way, he'll say his safeword. So he clicks on the next level of vibration and massages one of his lover's ball with his flesh hand “Yes you can. I won't let you out of it until you've come.”

Steve is a mess, ragged respiration and drool escaping his mouth. He can't get hard again, and everything hurt so good : his tortured sweet spot is assaulted, sending spikes of pleasure-pain in his tired cock, and the nubs on his pecs start to pebble in agonising interest. All of his body screams _Yes, keep going, own me, I'm yours !_

Bucky presses on the last and most intense set of vibrations and Steve trashes so much on the bed he have to hold him. “ C'mon doll, I know you can makes it” he croons, still rubbing the blond's sack “Look, you're already half-hard. I'm so proud of you, Steve, such a good boy.”

Bucky keeps touching him everywhere, cradling his Sub in his arms, plucking his nipples, stroking his cock, touching the flat handle of the vibrator, kissing the trails of tears on his cheeks, sucking at his neck. Soon Steve is overwhelmed, not able to form words anymore. But he feels safe, he feels good, he feels loved.

It takes longer but eventually, Bucky manages to draw one last orgasm of Steve. The blond comes with a wail of Bucky's name, tendrils of pain lacing his pleasure, and there's just a few pearly drops gushing off his cock but he did it. He made his lover proud.

He's floating now, high and warm and peaceful, all muscles in his body going lax in a rush of endorphins

  
  


When he comes back to, he's wrapped in a soft comforter under the blanket and cuddled to Bucky. The brunet smiles kindly “Hey there. You went pretty far, huh doll?”

Steve groans, feeling satiated and satisfied like a cat on a sunny day. “Mh. Thank you, Buck.” he sighs happily.

Bucky grins and kisses him on the temple “ Not like it's a core. I kinda love banging my boyfriend, y'know?” Steve laughs and kisses his jaws. Bucky tenderly moves blonds strays out of his lover's eyes “Now lay back, I'm gonna grab you chocolate and some salve for your chest.” Steve instinctively goes for them and gasps. “They're gonna be chafed for some times” Bucky grimaces.

“You think they'll stay that puffy and red tomorrow?” Steve asks “Like, someone might see them if I wear a white shirt?”

Bucky looks a bit sheepish “I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you too much?”

Steve shakes his head, beaming “Nothing I didn't wanted. Honestly Buck, I'm almost tempted to go back to long missions just to have this kind of reunion.” He pecks the brunet's lips “But I missed you too much so I'll stick to our regular mind-blowing, kinky sex and sweet domesticity.”

“If you think I've played all my cards in just one time, you're wrong Rogers” Bucky smirks “ I have a looot of things planned for us to make up for those three lost weeks.” He stands up, ready to go fetch the food and balm, but his eyes dart again at the sore-looking nubs “I'll get you something extra-soft to wear tomorrow.” He promises.

Steve grins “Makes sure it's white then.”

As if he'd pass an occasion to rile his lover up. Bucky curses and calls him a tease. Steve just smiles.

Life is good now.

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks you for reading


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